A reality show about a group of men and women stranded on a tropical island. They must compete in various challenges in order to be rescued. One by one the contestants are airlifted back to civilization until only one man remains. No one comes to rescue him and he is dismembered by wild dogs.

A children’s cartoon about a superhero whose superpower is that he can’t stop crying and it makes the people around him nervous and uncomfortable.

A singing competition limited exclusively to slow jams and power ballads.

An action/drama centered around a secret agent who is exceptionally thoughtful, loving, trusting, and talented in the kitchen, but then a double agent straps an explosive device to his car and he is incinerated in the subsequent blast.

A cooking program where all the food is inventive and delicious and plated in interesting ways, but the chef is never complimented. Not once.

A dating show about a bachelor who must choose between thirty beautiful women. Each week he goes on a series of dates with the women and things are going well for a while and then he shows them his webbed foot and explains to them that the deformity is the reason he keeps his socks on during intercourse, and then the women no longer want to be intimate with him, but they tell him it’s because they’re stressed about their jobs and not because he has a webbed foot, so he sits in the limo by himself, alternately masturbating, napping, and crying. (Possible titles: You Are Going to Die Alone, Love is a Lie Created by the Greeting Card Industry in a Joint Partnership with Lord Voldemort, Come Back, Amanda… Please.)

A situational comedy about a man who lives next to his parents’ house and they never let him forget that all of his siblings are already married.