Welcome to B.C. Richard and Stone in beautiful downtown Bedrock! You have questions, we have answers! Learn more about us below, as well as the answers to some frequently asked questions.
B.C. Richard and Stone was founded on a simple but powerful premise: The modern Stone Age family has modern Stone Age needs. This is why we are proud to offer you the finest, top-of-the-line appliances to modernize your household, from the alarm that wakes you up for work to your dishwashers and showers.
Does B.C. Richard really stock and sell living animals?
Yes, that is absolutely true. But — and we cannot stress this enough — these animals are appliances intended for your household. They are not pets and must not receive any affection.
I find the appliance I purchased from your store adorable. Can I pet it?
Would you pet your car? Would you snuggle with a hammer? We sell appliances here. Anything other than a relationship based on utility could lead to disastrous results. Are you prepared to ask yourself if your octopus wants to wash, rinse, and dry your dishes?
Can you explain to me why your appliances are not sold as pets? I see many of my neighbors with similar animals being kept as pets.
People keep pet birds. They find them pretty and their songs beautiful. Conversely, our cuckoo clock is a birdhouse that comes with a bird, an hourglass, and a pot of coffee. It’s one of our top-selling models. These are clearly not the same. A person may love and care for their pet sabertooth tiger. They may even consider it to be part of their family. But that tiger is not equivalent to the model of our J.D. Pewter & Associates award-winning Roaming Can Opener™. Any can-opening their pet may be doing is incidental and therefore unreliable.
Do I have to feed my new appliance?
Yes. As stated before, these are living creatures. The life of your appliance will significantly increase if you maintain it properly, as detailed in our manuals.
I heard these appliances sometimes talk?
Do you mean our parrot Voice Recorders?
No, like every appliance stops working for a second, looks off to the side and says something.
That could just be the mechanism working, such as with our garbage disposal, a potbelly pig. If the noise is too distracting, see our return policy below.
I see you have a litter of mastodon pups in the window. Can my child pet them?
That is a litter of future model vacuum cleaners we are displaying in the window. Is your child interested in testing their dust-proof coat or measuring their trunks for cleaning attachments? If not, we think you know our answer.
What’s your return policy?
At B.C. Richard, the customer is always right! You may return a purchase within sixty days for any reason, no questions asked. On top of that, every appliance comes with a one-year warranty, wherein we will completely replace a defective product with a similar model if there are any issues.
What happens to returned products?
Due to the nature of our appliances, we are unable to refurbish returned products. A mammoth shower, for example, cannot be outfitted with a new trunk if it suffers from congestion. All returns are disposed of to make room for best-in-class new inventory to meet our rigorous standards of quality. That’s the B.C. Richard and Stone Promise!
Have you ever considered not selling animals as a business model?
Funny you should ask, I once worked up an entire proposal for non-living appliances that I pitched directly to Mr. Richard and Mr. Stone. It wasn’t a complete solution by any means, but I was able to conceive and prototype an inanimate broom to replace our current model, a cat tied to the end of a stick. By gathering and binding some crops a neighboring farm lent to me, I could eliminate the cat mechanism from the appliance entirely.
“Think of it,” I told them in a burst of enthusiasm that is, frankly, rare in the appliance retail industry, “No more worrying about how old the brooms in stock are. No more feeding the broom. No more needing to use the broom to clean up after the broom is fed!”
Mr. Stone, a thoughtful man who is known to keep his counsel, listened patiently and even tried sweeping some of the stock room with my prototype. But Mr. Richard was apoplectic. “Flimsy thing weighs next to nothing! Doesn’t move around on its own… it doesn’t even look like a broom!” he yelled. “Who’s going to pay us for a crappy stick with some straw tied to it???”
They thanked me for my passion and initiative, but the message was clear: B.C. Richard and Stone is in the business of selling home appliances, and the future of home appliances is always going to be living animals.
I don’t know, it just seems like an overly complicated way to run a store if you have to explain all of this to every customer who comes in.
What can I say? It’s a living.