What is Blip and why is everybody talking about it?
Blip is a new social-networking app featuring all manner of blips. But what makes it different than Facebook or Instagram or Twitter? Simple. The blips.

What is Tap and where did it come from?
Tap is a new social-networking app featuring taps. But why is it better than other social media sites involving taps? Simple. The noise that it makes when you tap something.

Have you tried the new social-media app Bleeblo?
It’s sort of like the old social-media website Bebo, but with more consonants, vowels, and a different mission statement.

ChooChoo is the new social-media company that could finally obliterate Facebook and Instagram and take them offline FOREVER
Everybody in the world is talking about ChooChoo, but nobody even knows what it is. If we had to guess, it’s a social-media app that you use on a train. You guys, what even is ChooChoo?

PeePaw is that social-media website you’ve been waiting for
PeePaw has actually been around for a few years, but with a new CEO and a bustling headquarters in Carson City, it’s fully positioned to take on Twitter, Instagram, and the rest. Download PeePaw immediately. Then delete it. PeePaw!

Beep is the new Boop
Beep (formerly Boop) is the new social-media app that might just be the answer to your prayers, if you’ve been praying about social-media apps. You might remember Boop from 2016, but now it’s been re-branded as Beep and it’s simply ready to take over the world. Might this just be the Instagram/Facebook/Twitter killer that we’ve been looking for?

InstaGroo is taking on Instagram by getting rid of the thing everybody hates about Instagram
The photos. InstaGroo is not about photos. It’s just not.

What is H’ello and how is it different than Ello, an app that you definitely don’t remember, from maybe two years ago?
We know this one! H’ello is a way to quickly, easily, confidently say h’ello to somebody in your network, without all the fuss. Ello was a complete piece of shit.

Why do we need a social-media app called Glitch?
Glitch is here and, true to its name, it’s full of glitches. Tons of them. But it’s honestly better than Tap, or Blip, or even Beep, so we’re recommending Glitch, at least for now, even though our phone just froze.

Why is everybody on the Internet talking about SheeShaw
SheeShaw is the thing that everybody on the Internet is talking about, but it seems to be all questions and no answers. It sounds like “seesaw,” so maybe it’s a play on that. Like, how you’d sit on a seesaw with your buddy, and go up and down, or whatever. So anyway, you might as well give SheeShaw a shot. What if everybody downloads SheeShaw and you’re left in the dust with zero friends on the new platform and you become a total loser again? It should be noted that SheeShaw costs $36 per month. It’s possibly worth every penny, maybe.

Boop (formerly Beep) is back!
In the time that it took you to read this, Boop is back and better than ever. Forget Beep immediately. Delete it and throw your phone in a well. Go buy a brand new phone, untainted by a terrible app. Now: start your social-media journey, again, with Beep. Wait … we mean Boop. We misspoke. Boop is the new one. Beep is the app at the bottom of a deep, deep well. Make sense?

Plonk hits the #1 position on the Apple Store, but nobody knows why or how or what it is
Plonk has been touted as the new MySpace, but MySpace went out of business, or was turned into a Malaysian gaming site, or bought by Justin Timberlake, or something, so this seems like pretty strange branding. Nevertheless, Plonk is here and it’s here to stay, at least for this afternoon.