Mario (Kart variety): “I love the turtles.”

Mario (non-Kart variety): “I hate the turtles.”

Zelda (all): “My favorite part is this [mime playing wind instrument].”

Halo: “Don’t you hate snipers?”

Call of Duty: “Don’t you hate snipers?”

Team Fortress 2: “Don’t you hate snipers?”

Sniper: “Don’t you hate that game?”

Portal: “I love Jonathan Coulton.”

Portal 2: “I still love Jonathan Coulton.”

Duke Nukem Forever: “How ironically are you playing it?”

Mass Effect: “I love how long the game is.”

Mass Effect 2: “I love how much longer the game is.”

Metal Gear Solid (all): “I love how weird the game is.”

Mortal Kombat:FINISH HIM, right?”

Street Fighter: “Hayuuuuken, right?”

Grand Theft Auto: “I love the wide-open world.”

Red Dead Redemption: “I love the wide-open world, and the horses.”

LA Noire: “I love the wide-open world, and the hats.”

Bioshock: “Big Daddy!”

Bioshock 2: “Little Sister!”

Gears of War: “I love fighting in urban environments.”

Gears of War 2: “I love fighting inside worms.”

Pokemon: “Pikachu uses Thunderbolt!”

All sports games: “I don’t understand why they took out that feature I liked from last year’s version.”

All other games: “It looks pretty, but I wish they’d put more work into improving the gameplay.”

Pac-Man: “Did your daughter decide to go to Emerson or UConn?”