Hi there, friend!

Is this your first time at The Founder Meetup? First meetup ever? I’m a three-a-day man myself! Hearing from tech founders expands your mind, the whole human experience really. I haven’t founded my company yet, but I’m about to — just after this meetup probably! What do you found for a living? HA! That’s a tech-founder joke! I call jokes “happiness-as-a-service.”

Oh, you founded a charity? I don’t think that counts. To be a founder, you have to disrupt something with tech. That’s what TechCrunch says. Last year, I tried to get into their office to see what startups they were keeping secret. Security said I didn’t have a pass to be there and everyone thought I was being disruptive. Can you believe that?! Such an honor!

Want to join my Slack messenger team? You don’t have Slack?! Here, take a look at mine. No, it’s nothing like MSN Messenger. MSN was instant messaging with smileys that you used to cope with the jerks at school; Slack is a communication platform that’s disrupting productivity because it’s got emoji. It’s totally different. When you’re on Slack, you’re in-tune with the whole world. I’m in 63 teams! Whenever I need a fix of startup life, it’s right there in my pocket. I don’t understand a lot of the Chinese teams but when it’s 3 AM and you need more startup news, who cares, right?

Tell me about that charity you started while I have my Soylent. No, it’s not out of a movie; it’s a meal replacement drink. Sean, this totally inspiring co-founder that I follow on Medium said that all the real founders drink Soylent and if you don’t drink it, you can’t call yourself one. I started out just having it for breakfast; now I have 28 small doses a day! I also take 28 small shits a day. That’s when I check the App Store for updates. I bet you don’t get to check it that often!

Doesn’t sound healthy to you? Well, soon we’ll cure everything and live forever — that’s what Peter Thiel says. He founded PayPal to skim money off eBay buyers during BeanieBaby mania, and now he’s a billionaire. I have Google Alerts that email me each time he’s mentioned online. Once I was racing home to watch his new presentation, and I spun my car off the road, through a hedge and landed on my roof. Luckily, there was LTE in the field, so the video buffered pretty quickly. What are the chances? Actually, pretty high when you consider the current pace of technology.

You have to read his book, Zero-to-One. When I finish it, I just start reading it again. I’m currently at 358 reads. My personal best is three hours. I bought it on Kindle, Audible, and have 35 backup copies that I hide around the places I visit most often. I’ve got four with me now! You can’t have one though. I might need them. God knows what I’d do without my Thiel.

I’m itching to download something right now but this meetup’s fucking barren. Speak of the devil, that’s my Google Alert! Hope my hoverboard has enough battery. Slack me if you find any good beta invites!