Your eight-year-old’s guitar camp, located five miles east of your house, starts at 8:45 AM. Your daughter’s robotics camp is seven miles southwest and begins at 9:30 AM with no early drop-off. You work ten miles north and have to be at work by 8 AM. How long will it take you to bend the time-space continuum?

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Full-time camp for the entire summer costs \$3200. You have three children and two credit cards. One card has \$2000 left on it and the other card is maxed out. If you consolidate all your debt at an APR of 12.8% you will manage to pay. How many tears will you shed if you cry for two days at the rate of 48 teardrops per hour?

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Your brain has exploded from repeatedly looking at the calendar months June through August. Who will pay the cleaners to scrub the splattered grey matter off the walls and how long will it take?

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You’ve created a display similar to the evidence board used on NCIS. Using leftover wool from your pussy hat, you have connected and pinned locations on a map, times of arrivals, and internet printouts of camp reviews. Which will be faster, creating an organized schedule or closing the case on the Zodiac Killer?

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Summer is eight weeks long and for two of those weeks you will be in Florida with your in-laws. How much time will it take you to calculate the amount of money you’ve spent visiting his family and not vacationing somewhere you want to go? HINT: The answer is in seconds.

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You are binge-watching the German mystery show, Dark, without subtitles. What are the odds that you will understand this show before constructing a working camp schedule? If you are fluent in German, please skip this question.

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A parent at your school is spending the summer at a private swim club. You have recently discovered that they can bring guests. There are exactly 15 school days left until summer vacation begins and your child and hers are not friends. How many playdates must you arrange from now until June 12 before your children become inseparable and she must invite you to join them every day?

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The stars have aligned, the clouds have parted, and a streak of light has fallen upon you. You hear the deep bellowing voice of God say, “Wow! Seriously impressive work. Do you have any idea how long it took Mary to schedule Jesus’s camps?”