Send your list submissions to email@example.com.
What I Found in My Two-Year-Old Son’s Playroom.
BY JOHN MOE
Three bears lie on the floor, facedown, as if killed execution-style.
A blue convertible is tipped over and pinned against a wall. A clown sits inside.
In a three-story house, all of the furniture is turned upside down. A cowboy lies on his back on the third floor, near a bed but not in it. On the first floor is a slice of pizza as big as the cowboy.
A New York City bus is overturned next to a bulldozer bearing a cheerful expression and a small duck.
Various plates, cups, and utensils are strewn about the floor. There is also a teapot turned upside down. In the middle sits a smiling Winnie the Pooh with a hammer nearby.
A three-piece train, which is meant to transport animals to a circus, is flipped on its side with all cars disconnected from one another. The tiger, elephant, and monkey are nowhere to be seen.
A hula dancer is pinned beneath an enormous rabbit. Both are smiling.
An amusement park is in shambles: the ferris wheel is on its side; the airplanes have been removed from the airplane ride; and the highest part of the roller coaster has been snapped off. A balloon bearing the phrase “Get Well Soon!” hovers above.
Raggedy Ann is splayed on her back inside a large wicker basket. Her leg is in the mouth of Kermit the Frog.
A bookshelf, removed from the three-story house descrbed earlier, lies on the vinyl flooring across the room, near the washing machine. A smiling ape sits on top of it.
SUGGESTED READSOpen Letters: An Open Letter to Anyone Who Has Experienced My Son’s Meltdowns
by Katie Schneider (5/14/2010)
Toddler Discipline Made Easy
by Julie Vick (7/14/2015)
List: Foolproof Ways to Get Your Toddler to Wear Socks
by Jeremy Blachman (11/12/2015)
RECENTLYExcerpts From the Gilmore Girls Revival Script, Which Seem to Indicate That Aliens Play a Large Role in the Show
by Tim Hayes (9/23/2016)
List: Lesser-Known Writing Fellowships
by Kathleen Founds (9/23/2016)
Inside Witnesses: One Crime’s Many Narratives: Shira and Her Boss Take Care of Business
by Marti Jonjak (9/23/2016)
POPULARIt’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (9/22/2016)
An Honest Intern Application Cover Letter
by Nick Hughes (9/19/2016)
I Went to a Trump Rally. What I Found There Was a Bunch of Other Journalists Already Writing This Article
by Dan Hopper (9/15/2016)