“Many Americans have debated whether the country would be better off with [Vice President] Pence as President. From a purely partisan viewpoint, Harold Ickes, a longtime Democratic operative, argues that — putting aside the fear that Trump might start a nuclear war— ‘Democrats should hope Trump stays in office,’ because he makes a better foil, and because Pence might work more effectively with Congress and be more successful at advancing the far right’s agenda.” — Jane Mayer, the New Yorker, October 23, 2017 issue
As demons in 2017, it’s important to recognize that Satan has been a less than ideal Prime Evil overlord to maintain dominion over the worlds of man. But it would behoove us as intellectual observers to reckon with a fate that holds the potential for even greater eternal suffering in a torture chamber of our own construction: A President Lucifer would be disastrous for all Nine Circles of Hell.
At first glance, this may appear to be a somewhat radical position; after all, despite the anguishing screams of the damned echoing from every chamber of the underworld, Satan has done a remarkable job shaking up the millennia-old status quo God had instituted from Paradise to diminishing returns. Say what you will about the Fallen Angel, but his no-nonsense, down-to-Hell, widely relatable loathing of all of the Lord’s creatures has resonated intensely with large segments of Hell that wanted a more transparent, accountable form of corruption and evil without interference from unnecessary bureaucracy or the donor class. There are many aspects of Satan’s rule that one could quibble with, but his slashing of the corporate tax rate has stimulated the economy of human suffering like never before. Furthermore, while Satan’s reign has been less than perfect at times, we have to consider the ambitious, unrelenting nature of Lucifer’s desire for power before we happily request that our supernatural chains of fire and blood be reassigned to the Lesser Evil.
Where Satan is, at times, unorthodox and uncouth in his quest to imprison humanity for all of eternity, Lucifer is a known bigot with tight connections to all of the most important demigods and avatars of hatred that tempt man to fall. He is driven, motivated, and on message, and many pundits and scholars believe him to be the more dangerous and wily general when the war to bring Heaven crashing down on the constellations finally erupts.
Hell’s history has been full of difficult political choices, and now is no different. We find ourselves at a turning point, where we can trust our fates in the unrelenting oppression of an endless torment of stupidity and irrationality, or oust a less predictable form of evil for a leaner, meaner, more mother-loving well of darkness and despair. Search deep into your souls, and find it in yourselves with the last gasp of your humanity to consider working with Satan, and attempting to negotiate a path forward into the eons of horror that await us all.