ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Jeremy Blachman
Jeremy Blachman is a novelist and ghostwriter. His books Anonymous Lawyer and The Curve were developed for television by NBC.
Photo by Adina Lemeshow
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July 15, 2021I’m Sorry, But I, The Tooth Fairy, Am Still Not Comfortable Returning to In-Person Work
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April 15, 2020An Update on the Grocery Delivery We’ve Fooled You Into Expecting
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March 30, 2020Can My Son Get More Worksheets Before the World Ends?
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November 28, 2018What the School Photographer Said to Make Your Child Look Like That
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November 12, 2015Foolproof Ways to Get Your Toddler to Wear Socks
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April 28, 2015There Are No Egos In Our Knitting Group
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September 15, 2014Please Let Me Put My Disease-Riddled Hands All Over Your Baby!
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March 27, 2014Your Baby’s Klout Score is In the 25th Percentile
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August 5, 2013Our Terrible Nanny is Available Starting Immediately
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May 3, 2013Work from H.O.M.E
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July 9, 2012Great Vacation Rental Available!
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May 10, 2012Sorry, Everyone—My Personal Website Is Now Behind A Paywall
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February 19, 2021I’m a Short Afternoon Walk and You’re Putting Way Too Much Pressure on Me
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June 28, 2022We Are an Anti-Abortion Couple, and Don’t Worry, We Will Adopt Your Baby
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January 14, 2022What Your Favorite Sad Dad Band Says About You
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June 27, 2022We Would Do Something, But Then We Wouldn’t Have the Power to Do Something, So We Can’t Do Something
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July 1, 2022FAQ: Freedom
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July 1, 2022A Declaration of Independence from the United States Supreme Court
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July 1, 2022Laws Should Be Based Solely on the Words of Constitutional Authors Like Me, the Guy Who Died After Shoving a Piece of Whalebone in His Dick
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June 30, 2022I’d Rather Drag Your Lifeless Body from This Party Than Wait Here While You Go to the Bathroom