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Articles by
Keaton Patti
Keaton is a writer and comedian living in New York City. He has contributed writings for The New Yorker, Comedy Central, The Onion, Funny or Die, CollegeHumor and McSweeney’s Quarterly and Internet Tendency. He is also a performer on the Upright Citizens Brigade Harold team Some Kid and an alum of the UCB Touring Company.
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November 17, 2015Rebunking Conspiracy Theories: The Assassination of John F. Kennedy.
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October 19, 2015Rebunking Conspiracy Theories: The Moon Landings Were Hoaxes Staged By NASA
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August 5, 2015The Jury Requests Another Day to Deliberate—Not Just to Keep Hanging Out With Paul McCartney
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March 13, 2015I’m Teaching My Gym Students Useful Exercises, Not Preparing Them for a Heist
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January 6, 2015Someone On This Desert Island is Banksy
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October 13, 2014My Last Will and Testament and Review of the Smith County “Impossible” Hedge Maze
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August 19, 2014I Can’t Sell This Car—It’s Too Hot. Plus, It’s the Popemobile
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June 25, 2014We Can Argue About What Causes Mirages After We Get Out of This Desert
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April 24, 2014I’m Sick of Being Blackmailed Into Playing Bass for Your Band
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February 3, 2014When I Sold You My Windmill You Promised You Wouldn’t Repurpose It for Mini-Golf
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October 24, 2013I Will Continue Spending Money at Your Restaurant Until I Finish Your Placemat Maze and Not a Second Longer
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April 30, 2020The Girl From Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8er Boi” Responds 18 Years Later
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June 26, 2020A Message from Your University’s Vice President for Magical Thinking
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June 24, 2020Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing (So Far): Atrocities 1-759
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June 22, 2020I’m the Guy Setting Off Fireworks Every Night In Your Neighborhood and I Have You Right Where I Want You
