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almost every day
since 1998.
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Articles by
Keaton Patti
Keaton is a writer and comedian living in New York City. He has contributed writings for The New Yorker, Comedy Central, The Onion, Funny or Die, CollegeHumor and McSweeney’s Quarterly and Internet Tendency. He is also a performer on the Upright Citizens Brigade Harold team Some Kid and an alum of the UCB Touring Company.
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November 17, 2015Rebunking Conspiracy Theories: The Assassination of John F. Kennedy.
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October 19, 2015Rebunking Conspiracy Theories: The Moon Landings Were Hoaxes Staged By NASA
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August 5, 2015The Jury Requests Another Day to Deliberate—Not Just to Keep Hanging Out With Paul McCartney
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March 13, 2015I’m Teaching My Gym Students Useful Exercises, Not Preparing Them for a Heist
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January 6, 2015Someone On This Desert Island is Banksy
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October 13, 2014My Last Will and Testament and Review of the Smith County “Impossible” Hedge Maze
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August 19, 2014I Can’t Sell This Car—It’s Too Hot. Plus, It’s the Popemobile
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June 25, 2014We Can Argue About What Causes Mirages After We Get Out of This Desert
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April 24, 2014I’m Sick of Being Blackmailed Into Playing Bass for Your Band
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February 3, 2014When I Sold You My Windmill You Promised You Wouldn’t Repurpose It for Mini-Golf
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October 24, 2013Monologue: I Will Continue Spending Money at Your Restaurant Until I Finish Your Placemat Maze and Not a Second Longer
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July 5, 2019The Battle At John F. Kennedy International Airport, 1776
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May 20, 2019I Don’t Think a Woman Is Electable In 2020 Because Last Time Around the Female Nominee Only Got Three Million More Votes Than Her Opponent
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July 2, 2019Before You Call Out Our Hypocrisy, Let Us Remind You That We Don’t Care
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March 19, 2014Kafka’s Joke Book
Recently
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July 15, 2019A Preschooler’s Guide to Managing Your Personal Assistant
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July 15, 2019List: A Nervous Breakdown as Captured In a Series of Author Biographies
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July 15, 2019It’s Time for Us Republicans to Reject Trump’s Blatant Bigotry and Return to Good Old Fashioned Dog-Whistle Race-Baiting
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July 12, 2019The Things They Carried to the Jersey Shore