McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.
Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.
Articles by
Keaton Patti
Keaton is a writer and comedian living in New York City. He has contributed writings for The New Yorker, Comedy Central, The Onion, Funny or Die, CollegeHumor and McSweeney’s Quarterly and Internet Tendency. He is also a performer on the Upright Citizens Brigade Harold team Some Kid and an alum of the UCB Touring Company.
-
November 17, 2015Rebunking Conspiracy Theories: The Assassination of John F. Kennedy.
-
October 19, 2015Rebunking Conspiracy Theories: The Moon Landings Were Hoaxes Staged By NASA
-
August 5, 2015The Jury Requests Another Day to Deliberate—Not Just to Keep Hanging Out With Paul McCartney
-
March 13, 2015I’m Teaching My Gym Students Useful Exercises, Not Preparing Them for a Heist
-
January 6, 2015Someone On This Desert Island is Banksy
-
October 13, 2014My Last Will and Testament and Review of the Smith County “Impossible” Hedge Maze
-
August 19, 2014I Can’t Sell This Car—It’s Too Hot. Plus, It’s the Popemobile
-
June 25, 2014We Can Argue About What Causes Mirages After We Get Out of This Desert
-
April 24, 2014I’m Sick of Being Blackmailed Into Playing Bass for Your Band
-
February 3, 2014When I Sold You My Windmill You Promised You Wouldn’t Repurpose It for Mini-Golf
-
October 24, 2013I Will Continue Spending Money at Your Restaurant Until I Finish Your Placemat Maze and Not a Second Longer
Trending 🔥
-
September 22, 2023It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
-
September 15, 2023Son, You’re Old Enough to Know the Truth, There is No Such Thing as the “Invisible Hand of the Market”
-
September 22, 2023Welcome to Rosalita’s Boarding House for Girls and Women Rescued by Bruce Springsteen from Dead-End Small Towns
-
September 28, 2023A Template for Right-Wingers Upset with Taylor Swift
Recently
-
October 2, 2023Thank You for Submitting Your Homeless Shelter Application, but We’ve Decided to Use City Funds for Thirty-Five New Pickleball Courts Instead
-
October 2, 2023McSweeney’s Books: A Conversation with Dave Eggers About His Book, The Eyes and the Impossible
-
October 2, 2023If Burger King’s Jingle “Whopper Whopper” Were the Only Literary Form
-
September 29, 2023I’m Your Three-Year-Old Interior Designer and This Is Your New Home Makeover