McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
Articles by
Keaton Patti
Keaton is a writer and comedian living in New York City. He has contributed writings for The New Yorker, Comedy Central, The Onion, Funny or Die, CollegeHumor and McSweeney’s Quarterly and Internet Tendency. He is also a performer on the Upright Citizens Brigade Harold team Some Kid and an alum of the UCB Touring Company.
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November 17, 2015Rebunking Conspiracy Theories: The Assassination of John F. Kennedy.
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October 19, 2015Rebunking Conspiracy Theories: The Moon Landings Were Hoaxes Staged By NASA
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August 5, 2015The Jury Requests Another Day to Deliberate—Not Just to Keep Hanging Out With Paul McCartney
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March 13, 2015I’m Teaching My Gym Students Useful Exercises, Not Preparing Them for a Heist
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January 6, 2015Someone On This Desert Island is Banksy
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October 13, 2014My Last Will and Testament and Review of the Smith County “Impossible” Hedge Maze
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August 19, 2014I Can’t Sell This Car—It’s Too Hot. Plus, It’s the Popemobile
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June 25, 2014We Can Argue About What Causes Mirages After We Get Out of This Desert
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April 24, 2014I’m Sick of Being Blackmailed Into Playing Bass for Your Band
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February 3, 2014When I Sold You My Windmill You Promised You Wouldn’t Repurpose It for Mini-Golf
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October 24, 2013Monologue: I Will Continue Spending Money at Your Restaurant Until I Finish Your Placemat Maze and Not a Second Longer
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January 30, 2019Monologue: I Am a Stryker-X Assault Backpack, and This Airport Lounge Is an Insult
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September 19, 2017If Bostonians Loved Other Local Institutions the Way They Love Their Local Sports Franchises
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February 13, 2019Don’t Get Married Before You Live Together
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February 4, 2019I Am a Pacific Northwest Man on Tinder and I Will Die If I Go Indoors
Recently
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February 18, 2019Listen Up, Other Holidays, It’s Me, Presidents’ Day
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February 15, 2019How to Finish Your Dissertation Before the Heat Death and Gradual Extinction of the Universe
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February 15, 2019List: Six Reasons Why You Should Vote for Me, Old White Man Corpse, in 2020
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February 15, 2019Spoiler Alerts From the Passenger Scheduled to Sit Beside You On Your Next Flight