ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Sarah Schmelling
Sarah Schmelling is a humor writer and journalist in Washington, DC. She’s contributed to the New Yorker, the New York Times, the Washington Post, and many parent-y publications, and is the author of a humor book that grew out of a McSweeney’s piece.
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December 13, 2023Mary Bailey’s Christmas Week To-Do List
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January 11, 2022Please, World, in a Time of Infinite Darkness, Just Let Us Have Wordle
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September 19, 2017Other ‘Talk-Like-a…’ Days
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December 3, 2014Ten Things to NEVER Say to a Stay-at-Home Viking
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November 27, 2013You Are a Gravy Boat
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September 22, 2011Goldilocks Reviews the Sunshine Mary Jane Pump on Zappos
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March 25, 2010Other Things On My List Besides Your Kiss
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January 11, 2010Mom Takes Children’s Songs Literally
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July 30, 2008Hamlet (Facebook News Feed Edition)
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May 24, 2006Ryan Seacrest Breaks Bad News
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May 6, 2002Overheard at the Fall 2001 Microprocessing Development Conference, in San Jose, California
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November 9, 2000The Election: Two Transcripts
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November 1, 2024I Will Be Away from My Desk on November 6
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November 6, 2024I Don’t Hate Women Candidates. I Just Thought an Erratic and Vindictive Criminal Was Worthier of My Vote Than a Woman Candidate
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October 28, 2024The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056