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Articles by
Sarah Schmelling
Sarah Schmelling is a humor writer and journalist in Washington, DC. She’s contributed to the New Yorker, the New York Times, the Washington Post, and many parent-y publications, and is the author of a humor book that grew out of a McSweeney’s piece.
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January 11, 2022Please, World, in a Time of Infinite Darkness, Just Let Us Have Wordle
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September 19, 2017Other ‘Talk-Like-a…’ Days
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December 3, 2014Ten Things to NEVER Say to a Stay-at-Home Viking
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November 27, 2013You Are a Gravy Boat
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September 22, 2011Goldilocks Reviews the Sunshine Mary Jane Pump on Zappos
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March 25, 2010Other Things On My List Besides Your Kiss
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January 11, 2010Mom Takes Children’s Songs Literally
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July 30, 2008Hamlet (Facebook News Feed Edition)
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May 24, 2006Ryan Seacrest Breaks Bad News
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May 6, 2002Overheard at the Fall 2001 Microprocessing Development Conference, in San Jose, California
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November 9, 2000The Election: Two Transcripts
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November 13, 2018If People Talked to Other Professionals the Way They Talk to Teachers
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May 13, 2022Ten Possibilities the Applebee’s Waitress Considers Before It Occurs to Her the Women in Booth Fourteen Might Be a Couple with Two Children
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May 2, 2022Welcome to the Middle-Aged Restaurant. Please Stop Complaining
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May 2, 2016I Would Rather Do Anything Else Than Grade Your Final Papers