Articles by
Sarah Schmelling
Sarah Schmelling is a humor writer and journalist in Washington, DC. She’s contributed to the New Yorker, the New York Times, the Washington Post, and many parent-y publications, and is the author of a humor book that grew out of a McSweeney’s piece.
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September 19, 2017List: Other ‘Talk-Like-a…’ Days
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December 3, 2014List: Ten Things to NEVER Say to a Stay-at-Home Viking
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November 27, 2013You Are a Gravy Boat
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September 22, 2011Goldilocks Reviews the Sunshine Mary Jane Pump on Zappos
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March 25, 2010List: Other Things On My List Besides Your Kiss
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January 11, 2010Mom Takes Children’s Songs Literally
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July 30, 2008Hamlet (Facebook News Feed Edition)
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May 24, 2006Ryan Seacrest Breaks Bad News
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May 6, 2002List: Overheard at the Fall 2001 Microprocessing Development Conference, in San Jose, California
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November 9, 2000The Election: Two Transcripts
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April 4, 2018Fifty-Six Questions for Young MC Upon Hearing “Bust a Move” for the First Time in Twenty-Two Years
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April 10, 2018List: Horoscopes for Librarians
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March 19, 2018I’m Going to Close This Deal Using Business Words I’ve Heard Men Yell in Airports
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April 6, 2018We Deeply Regret Hiring the Perpetrators of the Salem Witch Trials as Opinion Columnists
Recently
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April 19, 2018A Poem About Your University’s Absolute and Unwavering Appreciation of Its Faculty in Spite of Said Faculty’s Crap Salaries
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April 19, 2018List: Things I, an Affluent White Cis Male, Have Gotten Away With In a Starbucks
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April 19, 2018The Diary of a Settler of Catan
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April 18, 2018The First Female President