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Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond

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Send your nonfictional open letters to openletters@mcsweeneys.net.

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An Open Letter to the Kid Scooping Raisins Out of the Bulk Bin and Dumping Them On the Floor
by Genevieve Knapp (6/8/2012)

An Open Letter to the Mammogram Machine at Beth Israel Hospital
by Amelia Blanquera (6/1/2012)

An Open Letter to Myself the Day After the 2004 Presidential Election
by Joey Camire (5/25/2012)

An Open Letter to America from a Dissatisfied Immigrant
by Maria Melnik (5/18/2012)

An Open Letter to Everyone Who, When My Fiancé Left Me, Told Me it Was “His Loss.”
by Megan Van Loh (5/11/2012)

An Open Letter to the Impatient Commuters of the Greater Denver Metro Area
by Aubin Fefley (5/4/2012)

An Open Letter to Would-Be Improv Comedians
by Daniel Falk (4/27/2012)

An Open Letter to Johnny Depp’s Tonto
by Natanya Ann Pulley (4/12/2012)

An Open Letter to the Person Who Judged Me for Lip-Syncing On My Run This Morning
by Sarah Klenakis (4/6/2012)

An Open Letter to the Tiny White Man the Republican Party Has Sent to Live in My Underpants
by Kari Anne Roy (3/30/2012)

An Open Letter to the Radio Lady Who Said We Should Find “Closure.”
by Fran Dorf (3/23/2012)

An Open Letter to the Guy in My Office Who Thinks He is the NCAA Tournament Office Pool Oracle
by Blaine Lay (3/12/2012)

An Open Letter to People Who Judge My Single, Post-College Lifestyle
by Cleo Plagg (3/2/2012)

An Open Letter to a Suicidal Friend, a Bulimic Friend, a Long Lost Aunt, and Stephanie, My New LinkedIn Connection
by Rae Bryant (2/24/2012)

An Open Letter to the Marketing Lady in My Office Who Asked Me What My Major Was in College, and When I Said English, Responded With, “You’ll Never Get Anywhere With That.”
by Ivy Grimes (2/17/2012)

An Open Letter to the Fastest Jogger at the Park
by Eric Torres (2/10/2012)

An Open Letter to My Dad Before He Began Taking Zoloft
by Vivian Chum (1/27/2012)

An Open Letter to William D. Ford Federal Direct Loan Repayment Program
by Kendra Stanton Lee (1/13/2012)

An Open Letter to the Gentleman Blow-Drying His Balls in the Gym Locker Room
by Ross Beeley (12/27/2011)

An Open Letter to Friends and Family Regarding Inquiries About My Reproductive Plans
by Karen Gilmore (12/2/2011)

An Open Letter to My Sister Who Accepted My Friendship Request On Facebook Sixteen Months After She Died
by Jeannie Zusy (11/18/2011)

An Open Letter to the Family Counseling Student Expelled for Lacking Empathy
by Mike Sauve (11/11/2011)

An Open Letter to the Guy Waiting in the Corner of This Comic Book Shop
by Hayley Campbell (11/4/2011)

An Open Letter to Every Woman Who Lives, Laughs, and Loves
by Maggie Nugent (10/28/2011)

An Open Letter to the Colleague Who Said “Well, You Weren’t That Close to Him Anyway” After I Told Her My Father Died
by Naseem Hrab (10/14/2011)

An Open Letter to a Future Houseguest
by Amy Fusselman (9/23/2011)

An Open Letter to the Guy Who Will Probably Never Call Me
by Gina Trampolini (9/16/2011)

An Open Letter to New Yorkers On the 10th Anniversary of 9/11
by Brian Calavan (9/9/2011)

An Open Letter to Windows Speech Recognition
by Quentin Rodriguez (9/2/2011)

An Open Letter to My Italian Slacks That Ripped at the Seam Just Prior to Deposition
by Eric Ritigstein (8/26/2011)

An Open Letter to TV Snobs
by Beverly Petravicius (8/19/2011)

An Open Letter to The Guy Who Puked Next to Me at the Heavy Metal Festival
by Dave Pell (8/5/2011)

An Open Letter to the Man Who Accosted Me in an Attempt to Sell Me a Power Balance Bracelet in the Mall
by Giordano Lahaderne (7/29/2011)

An Open Letter to The Clinging Panther Tattoo on a Middle-Aged Woman’s Arm
by David Hart (7/22/2011)

An Open Letter to the Man Who Interviewed Me For a Telephone Sales Job At a Weatherized Window Company Earlier This Week
by Molly Jean Bennett (7/8/2011)

An Open Letter to Parrotheads
by Gemma Holmes (6/24/2011)

An Open Letter to My Dead Betta Fish, Daisy
by Shawna Foster (6/17/2011)

An Open Letter to Emails Requesting Volunteers for Office Events
by Alana Hurley (6/10/2011)

An Open Letter to My High School’s Class of 2011
by Micki Burton (6/3/2011)

An Open Letter to Walgreens
by Joseph Andrew (5/13/2011)

An Open Letter to Customers Shopping the Liquidation Sale at the Bookstore Where I Work
by Jen Mueller (5/6/2011)

An Open Letter to a Friend Who Prolifically Sends Me No Fewer Than Four StumbleUpon Links a Day
by James Roland (4/29/2011)

An Open Letter to People Who Think They Have Found the Artifact that Will Change Archaeology As We Know It
by Stephanie Evans (4/8/2011)

An Open Letter to the Guy Who Scheduled My Accidental Brazilian
by Kate Geiselman (4/1/2011)

An Open Letter to the Intern Who Sits in the Cubicle Behind Me and Watches Me Shop Online
by Hanna Brooks Olsen (3/25/2011)

An Open Letter to Floors 16-22 of the Sheraton Hotel
by Nancy Slagle (3/18/2011)

An Open Letter to My Dying Ficus
by Julia LoFaso (3/11/2011)

An Open Letter to Smart Puffs
by Kerry Cohen (3/4/2011)

An Open Letter to Anthropologie
by Anna Mantzaris (2/25/2011)

An Open Letter to the Guys Who Kicked the Soccer Ball Over the Fence and Asked Me to Toss It Back to Them, Thus Scarring Me For Life
by Jen Cordery (2/11/2011)

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As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by making a donation.