Years ago, growing up in Pittsburgh, I thought this country could be, like, better. Maybe. Like it could improve, or something.

sighs deeply

Sometimes, I look at this country like the sleeve of a sweater. A worn sweater. That, like, shows we’ve forgotten what we’re even doing here. Or whatever. And like, our country is becoming this unraveled yarn. Or fabric, even. That we need to fix because, if we don’t, the world would grind to like a halt.

absentmindedly touches zit

People, like real people, are running good — no, great — campaigns. As though like a campaign could be run. Like the Olympics, or something.

rests head on podium

It, like, teaches me that even if you’re, I don’t know, not always cheering for the same football team everyone else cheers for, sometimes, other people notice you. And they like, understand you. And they get you, which helps you, like, win.

wraps arms around torso, holds scapula

And there’s so much to be, like, done. Like if the love of your life, or, I don’t know, your soul or whatever can’t read, you have to help that person, right? Because education reform is crucial. Because, I mean, if they can’t read how can they even vote? Like for you? And if you can completely understand a person, it could like completely change everything. Like. Everything.

tucks hair behind ear, stares into nothingness

Everything is, I don’t know, a battlefield. But, like, for your heart. Because people believe totally different things and stuff. But, like, a belief can’t bring metal detectors into our schools. Because, if they’re there, how can anyone really feel safe? Like in the world?

looks off in the distance at bald eagle

Somewhere along the way, the pursuit of equality just like failed. Like anatomy, or whatever, came between the fathers of government and, you know, everyone else. I have analyzed this in like microscopic detail.

slouches, crawls into fetal position on bed

We exist in two different worlds, okay? I can’t just watch our nation handed over to the people who don’t care, okay? I mean, it’s just not that simple. And you have to do something, like vote, because maybe something could happen. Like seriously happen. And like, if you miss it, it’s like you weren’t even there. Or whatever.

leans forehead against flag pole

Every so often, people have, like, moments. And maybe, to be put out of our misery, we need to do something about those moments. So, I’ve decided that maybe I could announce my, I don’t know, candidacy. For Congress. Because it seems like if I don’t, I’ll die. Or something.

So, like, vote. Okay?