1. After last year’s big job, you swore you were done. You were hanging it all up and storing that stuff in a closet. Nothing flashy for you. Not anymore.
2. And yet here you are, nursing a headache, listening to a young upstart telling you how this new job could pay off with something that really sparkles.
3. You’re gonna need help, though. You’re gonna need guys. Real energetic types, all hopped up on the promise of something shiny.
4. But those types—man, you oughta know it’s like herding cats, what with the constant bickering and the demands for sandwiches and fancy costumes. You really think you’re up for that? At your age?
5. Okay. If you’re gonna do this thing—that’s if, buddy, hold your horses—you’re gonna have to pull an expert out of retirement. You’ll owe them a favor, and that’s no picnic. But they’ll agree to sit in a comfy chair with an old fashioned and grumble advice, because they always had a soft spot for you, kid.
6. Your timing better be perfect. This thing has gotta work, rain or shine. You’ll need diagrams, schematics, and some young tech whiz who’ll tell you you’re a dinosaur.
7. The money tied up in this job—the sheer amount of scratch in play—you can only sum up that much cash with a low, breathy whistle. And that’s for the best since the youngsters in your crew don’t understand the value of a dollar.
8. To get this done, you know you’re gonna have to do some crazy things, right? Some real acrobatic stuff. Like hanging from your ankles out a window or climbing a rickety ladder way up high. Better hope you’re limber after all those months you spent in a cube.
9. At some point, your smallest guy has to crawl into a tiny, confined space to hook something up, like a power supply. Everyone thinks it’s a real bad idea except the kid, who’s always carrying on about how he knows what he’s doing and how he can take care of himself.
10. Nothing ever goes according to plan. You might as well not have had a plan. You might as well have taken the plan, ripped it into tiny little shreds of no-one-gives-a-shit, and stomped on it a while.
11. Did you bring pliers? Has anyone seen the goddamn pliers?
12. Do you even have the batteries? No, not those batteries; the batteries that work with the doohickey. No, not THAT doohickey—you’ll need that one later. Does ANYONE know where the hell you put the batteries?
13. Shit, now everything’s tangled up in a bunch of goddamn knots, and if you don’t figure out how to untangle them—fast—this whole plan is going to hell.
14. Phew. Thanks to some fancy footwork, nimble hands, and a plan no one even mentioned at the jump, your team got the job done, and everyone’s still in one piece.
15. No one’s gotta pull any teeth to get you to admit it: the result really shines. Some might say it all came together a little too smooth, but what the hell—it was fun, and you did it with panache.
16. This was it, though. The last time. You’re serious—it’s time to pack it in and go out on a high note, without any more sequels. If you ever tried to top this job, it wouldn’t have the same pizzazz. You’d just be phoning it in.
Decorating with children:
Well, that depends on how the dice roll, but let’s lay odds on 1 through 6, plus 7, if you’re lucky.
Now, 8 through 10 are a lock if everyone shows up. And 11 through 14? Those’ll pretty much happen no matter what. But hey, you’ve had worse, right? You bet your money, you take your chances.
Number 15 is not a sure thing, but nothing in this crazy world ever is. The only way to always get nothing is never to play.
As for 16, well, you’re a charmer. But a pretty face ain’t a poker face, and I can tell you’re lying. Even Danny Ocean keeps on pulling jobs after saying he’s hanging it up. What, you think you’re better than Danny Ocean?