Having knowledge in STEM is critical, and there is no better time to start a child’s journey into STEM than right now. Enough weirdos have said this to you, and now you are looking at this list of STEM toys for one-year-olds that we were forced to create.

The toys below are our sure-fire picks to get your — please say this out loud — one-year-old child engaged in STEM.

And for you, reader? I hope this list helps you find peace.

Boon PIPES 5-piece Building Bath Toy – $20

Hollow plastic pipes that stick to the bathtub wall. Your little scientist can pour water through them, and the water comes out the other end. Bathtime fun!

There is no prerequisite OS knowledge required. It is five plastic tubes.

Fisher-Price Baby’s Rock-a-Stack – $17

Child-safe stacking rings that teach colors, sizes, and hand-eye coordination. What it doesn’t have to teach is fun because fun is something that naturally can happen if you take two giant deep breaths and reflect on what is the real reason you are looking at this list. Like, are we trying to improve your child, or fix your childhood?

Anyway, your baby can stack the rings in the wrong order and nothing bad will happen. It’s a low-pressure activity that, if you are the type of person who searched for this list, I’m sure you will find a way to complicate it.

Fat Brain Toys Dimpl Digits – $22

Squishy Bubbles that your kids can press. The bubbles are all different colors. Each bubble has a number in English, and then when you press the bubble in and flip the bubble over, there is a number in Spanish. Your kid is pressing bubbles. It’s important that you establish realistic expectations of these toys and your child.

Can there be more than two languages introduced? No. Don’t project your anxiety onto the Squishy Bubble toy.

Can Spanish be subbed out with Python? No. Don’t be like this.

Fisher-Price Laugh & Learn Smart Learning Home – $129

If you can’t trust a single toy to inundate your child with STEM principles, the enablers at Fisher-Price have developed an entire children’s “smart home” to enclose your defenseless little one.

This toy has 200 songs, speaks four languages, and offers 360 degrees of smart home play. If you are serious about your child pursuing a STEM career, it’s important that they experience burnout early. This toy is on the expensive side, but compared to future therapy co-pays, it’s a steal.

Alienware m15 R4 Gaming PC – $2400

We put this on here because this was always the final destination. Your child is gifted and this list insulted you. You’re going to buy a full-blown computer for a one-year-old, and you’re convinced that a regular computer won’t be enough for them. Well, we might as well give you the link on our site so we get the traffic.

Intel Core i7 10th Gen 10870H 2.20GHz Processor. NVIDIA GeForce RTX 3070 8GB GDDR6 Graphics Card. It’s a computing masterpiece that your child is going to use as a step ladder to reach their stuffed animals you’ve probably hidden.

Honorable Mention: Love, Patience, Books, Deep Breaths.