Update room décor, including removal of ceiling mirrors

Restock spirit supplies, encourage Captain to offer guests other options

Acquire steelier knives and/or less resolute beast

Emphasize “heaven” image over less desirable “hell” alternative

Install electric-light system in hallway (long overdue), reassign employee who has been showing guests to room by candlelight

Upgrade music selection to accommodate both guests who dance to remember and those who do so to forget

Improve courtyard air conditioning to reduce occurrences of sweet summer sweat

Encourage nightman to be less cryptic when talking to guests

Clearly mark passage back to places guests have been before

Emphasize core strengths: lovely place, plenty of room, consistent location

Reduce power on colitis-oil highway pumps; smell may be overly aggressive

Provide “house alibis” to guests who neglect to bring their own

Streamline checkout procedures to accommodate guests’ desire to actually leave