Congratulations, you’ve made it to the end of the year. Here are a few tips to help you move out of your dorms:

Log on to your housing portal and click the button marked “Express Checkout.” This will immediately cut the power to your room and disable your key.

Be sure that previous step is the last thing you do. We probably should have mentioned that.

Have your parents try and find the designated parking lots since our student volunteers made the signs out of the brown bathroom paper towels, and they all blew away.

After driving a few laps around the entire campus, find the only remaining spot next to a large grass field you’ll have to carry all your stuff across.

There are three rolling bins to be shared between the thousands of students leaving today. If you’re lucky enough to find one, your stuff will constantly fall out of the large holes in them. They also will absolutely not roll over grass.

Even though it is ninety-two degrees, please wear jeans and long-sleeve shirts since our grassy field is riddled with ticks.

For your safety, we’ve asked the local police to harass you about not having a “moving-out” parking pass while you make the ten trips back and forth from the dorm.

Be sure to gather all your recycling and garbage and then just toss it all into the same huge overflowing dumpster.

Endure the protests you’ll get from your university’s “Keep Our University Green Club” members.

Brush off nine months’ worth of dust from your dresser, desk, and window sill onto the floor.

Use one of the old pizza boxes under your bed to fan all the dust bunnies into one corner.

Take down your Minecraft poster and use it as a dustpan by scooping all the dust bunnies onto it and pouring them straight out your window.

If you don’t have a poster to scoop up the dust bunnies, use your debit card to flick them into the garbage can and pour that out a window.

Carefully peel off the “no stick” Command hooks on your wall that will take chunks of cinder block with them.

Ignore the angry looks you get from your roommate’s parents as you walk past them after pouring the dust bunnies on their heads.

In order to have your room inspected, try to find the head RA by walking three miles and guessing which quad they’re supposed to be in this year. It’ll probably be one of the rooms with the lights off for some reason and no markings on the closed door. You’ll definitely hear some loud music playing, though, which will only obscure the sound of you knocking on the door.

Don’t worry if you forget your mattress pad; it’ll be super easy to find another one that will fit our obscure “Twin-Long-Proprietary-Dimensional” size mattresses for next year.

Find out the head RA is still doing his study abroad in Ireland, and you’ll have to pay the $125 fee for not being able to turn in your key.

Pay your parking fine and dorm cleaning fee within twenty-four hours to receive your grades.

And, as long as you signed up for the dorm assignments that closed out five weeks ago, see you next year!