1. “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink,
or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of god.”
— Corinthians 10:31
Starting off with the basics, this verse can be used to remind people that you are incredibly pious. You’ll want to keep this one in your back pocket for all of the classic snafus — when somebody releases a recording of you using racial slurs, when you get caught cheating on your wife with a prostitute, or even when you get caught cheating on your wife with multiple prostitutes.
“Vote for me!” this verse says. “I know what a Bible is basically!”
2. “If among you, one of your brothers should become poor,
in any of your towns within your land that the Lord your God is giving you,
you shall not harden your heart or shut your hand against your poor brother.”
— Deuteronomy 15:7
This one says, “I care about poor people,” and can be used for a clever ruse when you totally don’t care about poor people.
3. “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat,
I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink,
I was a stranger and you invited me in”
— Matthew 25:35
If and when the president does something racist, this verse may be a good choice for those who aren’t quite racist enough to be down with it but still just a tad too racist to act in opposition — like Goldilocks, but with racism, this verse gets it just right.
4. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
— Matthew 5:4
This verse is a nice way to say, “A national tragedy has occurred! Bummer!” It pairs nicely with a frowny face and inaction. Consider this verse for when you almost want to take a stand, but not quite.