Women’s Hockey Bedeviled by Duke, Possibly As a Result of a Shortsighted Faustian Bargain Gone Terribly Awry
Men’s Soccer Crucifies Holy Cross—Stark ’05 Tallies Three, Mathematically Disproves Existence of God in Front of Stunned H.C. Crowd
Sailors Cruise to Regatta Win, Probably on Ships Made from the Bleached Bones of Their Parents’ Underlings, the Over-Privileged Bastards
Men’s Hoopsters Outgunned by Quakers—Both Ironic and Deeply Humiliating, When You Think About It
Swim Team Makes Big Splash, As Does Giant Mako Shark Released Discreetly into Yale’s Pool During Meet
Frisbee Team Can’t Shake Tough Defense, Crippling Social Stigma
Men’s LAX Halts Winless Skid at UNH, Can’t Halt Skid of Team Bus As It Fails to Negotiate Icy New England Roads
Equestrians Gallop Away with Ivy Title—But Seriously, We’re All Just Pretending to Give a Damn, Aren’t We?