You are the Ronald Reagan of hearing what I’m asking you right now.

You are the Joe Biden of this Trappist monastery.

You are the John Edwards of understanding what exactly my role of videographer entails.

You are the Hillary Clinton of this Tammy Wynette tribute band.

You are the Bernie Sanders of just dropping it already.

You are the Jimmy Carter of this condo association presidency.

You are the Lloyd Bentsen of sick burns.

You are the Dan Quayle of this sign painting business.

You are the Ralph Nader of uniting this desert island.

You are the Sarah Palin of this PETA chapter.

You are the George Bush of understanding how employee reviews work.

You are the John Kerry of letting it all hang out.

You are the Elizabeth Warren of this Pay Now/Pay Later Payday Loan Centre Grand Opening Sell-a-bration.

You are the Ross Perot of smooth jazz announcers.

You are the John Boehner of keeping your emotions in check in this tanning salon.

You are the Mitt Romney of this comedy open mic night.

You are the Al Gore of giving credit where credit is due.

You are the Michael Dukakis of this off Broadway production of Platoon.

You are the Bill Clinton of changing your slutty reputation in the most grandiose manner possible.

You are the Barack Obama of this men’s sweat lodge ceremony.

You are the Dick Cheney of understanding how seniority works around here.