I. KIRKLAND HOUSE,
CHRIS HUGHES: Hey, guys. I think the housing office messed up. We have four people, but only three beds in the entire suite.
DUSTIN MOSKOVITZ: I hear there’s an empty room down the hall. It’s a single.
MARK ZUCKERBERG: [Staring intently at his computer screen] Hmm?
ME: I wouldn’t mind a single room, actually.
CHRIS HUGHES: Same here. Are you sure it’s available, Dustin?
DUSTIN MOSKOVITZ: Yep. But I think I’ll stay put. I actually like living with other people.
ME: If you guys don’t mind, I’ll take the single room. I’m already pretty stressed about my course load this semester, and I think some space would really help me out.
CHRIS HUGHES: Are you sure? You’d miss out on all the fun around here.
ME: I’m honestly OK with that. I actually love solitude. I’m an only child.
DUSTIN MOSKOVITZ: I wish I was an only child. [Laughter]
MARK ZUCKERBERG: [Frantically typing] Hmm?
ME: Anyway, yeah, being alone helps me feel creative. Maybe I’ll invent something.
DUSTIN MOSKOVITZ: You totally should.
CHRIS HUGHES: What would you invent?
ME: I don’t know. I like people. Maybe something involving people.
MARK ZUCKERBERG: [Looks up] Online?
ME: No, Matt, probably not. I’m not too big on computers.
MARK ZUCKERBERG: Oh. [Looks down at his screen; adds quietly] It’s Mark, by the way.
ME: Oh. Right. Mark. Sorry, Mark.
DUSTIN MOSKOVITZ: [To me] Listen, you might lose some opportunities by moving out. Who knows what we’ll come up with.
ME: [Sarcastically] Yeah. Right. I bet you’ll change the world and everybody here will become billionaires.
MARK ZUCKERBERG: [Adding a string of code to another string of code] Hmm?
DUSTIN MOSKOVITZ: This does seem like a pretty good group, though. It’s going to be different living all by yourself.
ME: I agree, but I’ll just be right down the hall. I can pop over whenever I want, right?
CHRIS HUGHES: Of course.
DUSTIN MOSKOVITZ: There’s definitely a difference between living here and living elsewhere, though, if you want to take a few minutes to think it over.
ME: I don’t need a few minutes, Dustin. I’m doing it, if you guys are all right with it.
CHRIS HUGHES: OK, man. It’s your call.
ME: Well then, it’s settled! I’ll just grab my stuff.
MARK ZUCKERBERG: [Looking up at me as I exit] Where’s he going?
II. KIRKLAND HOUSE
THIRTY MINUTES LATER
ME: [Pacing back and forth, pumping my fist in the air] Man alive, I just can’t believe it! This is the life — my own room, my own bed, nobody sleeping next to me, nobody waking me up at all hours, and nobody snoring. I finally stood up for myself and got what I wanted: A single freakin’ room at Kirkland House! I really made it. Here I am, a student at the finest university in the world, with an amazing view of the quad, my own mini fridge, and no annoying computers in sight. Wow wow wow wow wow wow! [Dialing, ringing] Dad? Hey, Dad! Listen to this: You’re not going to believe it — I actually managed to get my own room at the same price as a share. Yeah! It was offered and I took it. I finally listened to what you’ve been telling me about standing up for myself and jumping on an opportunity when it arises. Well, I jumped. I truly think this is going to be a great year. Who knows what I’ll come up with! I’m feeling super creative at the moment. Yeah! OK, I’ll talk to you soon. Sounds good. Say hi to Mom for me. [Jumping on the bed] Woo hoo!
III. KIRKLAND HOUSE
ME: [Sliding in through the door without knocking] Hey, guys!
[ROOMMATES are standing around MARK ZUCKERBERG, staring at his computer.]
ME: Hello? Yo? Earth-to-fellas. What’s up, everybody? You rating people on “Hot or Not”?
MARK ZUCKERBERG: [Writing software] Hmm?
ME: Sheesh. What are you guys working on?
CHRIS HUGHES: Oh, hey. What’s up, man? Mark invented a website that connects students, and all of us are helping out. Mark’s the chief executive, I’m the spokesperson, and Dustin’s the chief technology officer.
DUSTIN MOSKOVITZ: Not big on the Internet, huh?
ME: No, I’m totally kidding. Do you guys need help with anything? I actually have a little free time this semester. Can I be vice president, or something?
DUSTIN MOSKOVITZ: Nah, we already divvied up the roles. Thanks, though. How’s that single room working out for you?
ME: Honestly? It’s the best. I love having my own mini fridge. And I’m feeling so productive right now. I started my own ‘zine last night. I call it Off-Line. It’s about the wonders of staying off your computer and going outside.
CHRIS HUGHES: Cool, man. That’s great. So listen — we should really get back to this. Mark’s really onto something here and we don’t want to distract him.
ME: Oh, yeah, OK. No problem. I was just stopping by to see if anybody wanted to head to the dining hall with me and pick up some grub? It’s Taco Tuesday!
DUSTIN MOSKOVITZ: I already ate.
CHRIS HUGHES: Same here. I’m stuffed. Thanks, though.
ME: Fair enough, guys. Don’t work too hard. I guess I’ll be seeing you around …
MARK ZUCKERBERG: Hmm?