1. Comes with a convoluted instruction manual

2. Nobody with one in their house knows what they’re doing

3. Often spontaneously collapses onto the floor

4. Sometimes you lie awake at night, wondering if you did enough to stabilize it

5. It usually lasts about a third of the way through a dinner party

6. Having it up and running really makes you feel like an adult

7. Your friends can’t stop marveling at how cute it is

8. There is no fear like the fear that comes from watching someone use it who’s unfamiliar with its fragility

9. Your mom keeps asking when you’re getting a new one

10. You can’t remember a time before it, where your life wasn’t fraught with the sense of an impending, unpredictable doom

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My toddler: 1-10
IKEA chair: 1-10