In order of preference
The kid who’s parked himself underneath the jungle gym and hasn’t moved in 40 minutes.
The kid currently slurping out of a water balloon.
Two mothers watching an inappropriate video of Ryan Reynolds on their phone.
A newborn that is trying to nap in her stroller.
The maintenance worker plunging a rodent out of the playground toilet.
The kid who insists on climbing up, then sliding down, then immediately climbing up the twisty slide.
A goldfish cracker she found near a drainage ditch.
The rowdy teenager who is currently standing on top of the infant swing trying to flip over the center bar.
The toddler who is going to town on her bubbles wand as if it was a soapy lollipop.
A nine-year-old who is chasing her sister with what appears to be a crowbar.
A pack of tweens who scaled the playground gate, and are now digging in the dirt with Baskin Robbins spoons they found behind a dumpster.
The grandmother sitting on the next bench, who just gave her grandson a disgusting amount of money for the ice cream truck.
The little girl who thoughtfully created a “water slide” with the contents of her juice box.
The kid who won’t let any other children on the swings because he’s pushing his invisible pet friends in them.
The kids in the sandbox who are crafting Blair Witch runes with sticks and shovels.
The 5-year-old she is currently on a playdate with.