Our secret is now out, and suddenly our relationship is infinitely more serious. I didn’t mean to rush things, I know we’re trying to take it slow. But I saw that video on my newsfeed of a baby duckling running and I couldn’t resist — I just had to tag you in the comments.
I apologize if this is going too fast and you weren’t ready to go public. Everyone knows there’s something going on between us after I tagged your name and wrote “You’re gonna love this!!” I might as well have posted a status saying “We’re fucking!”
You’re Facebook friends with your mother, and this little exploit certainly popped up on her feed. I was stupid, I didn’t realize my actions could have such far-reaching consequences. I assume she immediately texted you uncomfortable questions asking who I am, how long we’ve been seeing each other, and whether we’re using protection.
I recognize that such a romantic gesture could be too much, too early in a relationship. Yet sometimes circumstances call for passionate displays of affection regardless of how casual the relationship is, like seeing a shooting star, getting caught in the rain on a long walk, or finding a video of a baby panda dancing.
Still, even ignoring my comment would have helped us avoid this mess. In my defense, you liked my comment and replied “OMG!!” You could’ve been more coy, a simple like or an all-lowercase “lol” would have sufficed.
But I’m not blaming you. I got caught up in the moment and took a risk. I thought, What if someone else shows you this masterpiece? How could I live with myself knowing I saw such an amazing video and neglected to send it to you? What excuse would I have for such an egregious crime? Sometimes you just don’t have a choice.
I don’t want this indiscretion to ruin everything. I should have known better than to take such a massive, public leap without talking to you first. And despite all this, I hope you at least find solace in the fact that the video is one of the cutest freaking things you’ve ever seen.
I promise it will never happen again, unless of course I see a video of a mini pig sneezing.