“Taylor Swift hasn’t even endorsed President Joe Biden for reelection yet. That hasn’t stopped members of MAGAland’s upper crust from plotting to declare—as one source close to Donald Trump calls it—a ‘holy war’ on the pop mega-star, especially if she ends up publicly backing the Democrats in the 2024 election.”
— Rolling Stone 1/30/24
Put down your scotch and cigars, and listen up closely. We’ve all seen the numbers. Anyone who voted for our guy the first time is going do it again, we know that much. Our base is loyal through and through. But whether or not the election was stolen—no, shut up, not now, Rudy—is frankly beside the point. If the same number of people vote for him in November, then it’s all for nothing. Again. And it’s not like we can exactly count on the Proud Boys come January 2025—they’re turning on each other quicker than the Kardashians.
Speaking of which, I think I have a solution to our concerns. We need to hit our opponent where it hurts. I mean really strike a blow that’ll leave the Democrats in shambles, while simultaneously convincing any remaining independents that America First Chauvinism is truly the way to go.
It’s simple, really: We’re going after Taylor Swift.
Yes, T. Swift. The most influential, successful, and thoroughly agreeable entertainer of her generation. Even the people who loathe her can admit that much. But if she fails again to endorse MAGA this time around, then it is officially Operation: Bad Blood.
Frankly, I can think of no better moment to go after one of the most innocuous, catchy, largely inoffensive, lucrative pop stars of all time than barely a month after she became Time’s Person of the Year. I mean, what better way to win crucial votes across the swing states than to launch a scorched-earth vendetta against the literal girl on the bleachers?
Eleven of the sixteen battleground states are also the top states that googled Taylor Swift in 2023. Once they hear our pitch—namely, that she is a George Soros plant meant to seduce the All-Pro tight end ahead of the Super Bowl and brainwash him into supporting a Biden New World Order—they’ll come to their senses. As soon as they realize that relatability, pop hooks, friendship, and self-empowerment all pale in comparison to the appeal of bloodthirsty xenophobia, then it’s curtains for Sleepy Joe.
An all-out assault on the first musician to ever become a billionaire through her music career alone will surely speak to the indecisive voter. And what better time to put things into motion than mere days before the Super Bowl, the most-watched television event of the year? Surely, cameras will cut to her a few times, showing her happy, supportive, and hopeful. We go after that image, my friends, and there’s no stopping us.
And if, for some strange reason, this plan blows up in our faces, let’s circle back on Rudy’s Dolly Parton dogpile outline. I think he could be onto something there.