“The Colorado attack is the 7th mass shooting in 7 days in the US.”
CNN, March 23, 2021

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Everyone seems to be talking about all the car crashes that have been happening lately. Many people are using these crashes to try and restrict our access to cars. I’m sorry, but the only way to prevent car crashes is with more cars.

Have you ever seen fully-packed, standstill traffic on a highway? No crashes there! Sure, usually the traffic is because of a collision of some sort, but you get the point.

Many folks have suggested we should make it more difficult to get a car by requiring people to obtain a “driver’s license” through a series of tests. I’ll translate that for you: they are trying to take away our cars. This is how it starts: requiring a valid license. And this is how it ends: getting your car taken away because you refuse to drive with a valid license.

Other people want to introduce things called “speed limits” to make it illegal to drive recklessly fast. Translation: they hate us because of our cars. Once you start putting speed limits up, when does it stop? They’ll keep getting lower and lower until all you’re allowed to do is just sit inside your car and not go anywhere.

And some people want to add things called “seatbelts” to cars and require drivers to wear them as a safety precaution. Translation: they’ve clearly never driven a car before. How am I supposed to drive when I’m belted to the seat? Besides, it’s my right as an American to do anything I want and face zero consequences for it.

Nobody wants to talk about this, but the real problem that’s causing all these crashes is bad guys with cars. And how do you stop a bad guy with a car? A good guy with a car! Ever notice something all crashes have in common? They could have been stopped earlier if a good guy in a car had intervened and driven the bad guy in a car off the road. That would have been the good kind of car crash: the one that’s prevented with a different crash.

So, to everyone who thinks that a world without cars is a safer one, remember this: it’s good guys in cars like me who keep the rest of you safe. Now, get out of the crosswalk, because I’ve got a yellow light and I’m definitely gonna make it.