Today, September 12, Australians will begin receiving government-issued surveys on whether or not they believe same-sex couples deserve the right to marry. It’s hard to believe there are still people out there who do not believe gay people should get married and have children, I was raised by gay men, so I know they shouldn’t. They ruined my life.
1. I was given a curfew. If I wanted to stay out late smoking pot with boys, forget it!
2. I was forced to wear sequin gowns. Sure it was just once at prom and I did pick it out, but they were a little too excited about it.
3. They had to meet all my boyfriends, which was inevitable because my dads were always around watching football in the living room.
4. My boyfriends would wind up watching football with my dads.
5. My biological father loved to do my hair and makeup even though he was not skilled in this area.
6. The only movies we watched were The Wizard of Oz, The Sound of Music, Funny Girl, and The Color Purple.
7. When raised by gay men, you are not just raised by them, but their entire entourage who will give you unsolicited advice on how to be a woman. (How to walk, how to wait until you find a man that can get you at least two carats, etc.)
8. They will expect you to be just as great as Barbra Streisand and/or Cher, even though high school boys don’t want to date Barbra Streisand and/or Cher.
9. They won’t let you drink the peach Bellinis they made for brunch. They’ll wave them around in your face, but not one sip!
10. If you have gay parents, you will most likely spend the rest of your life fighting for gay rights even when people start to think it’s over or boring. (But that’s not my dads’ faults, or mine, and actually very rewarding — just google June 16, 2015)