“Good evening, CHERRY HILL ELEMENTARY parents. We wanted to make you aware that the Friday before winter break will be an early-out day. Students will be dismissed at 12:00 p.m. on December 17. Thank you.”

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“Good afternoon, CHERRY HILL ELEMENTARY families. We would like to remind you once more that on Friday, December 17, students will be released at 12:00 p.m. Please plan to pick up your students promptly at noon, and not at the normal 2:15 primary dismissal, or the 2:45 intermediate dismissal, or the 1:10 parent conference early-out time, or the weekly Wednesday 12:30 early-out time.”

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CHERRY HILL ELEMENTARY parents—no, not another COVID exposure notification. Please check your student’s backpack for an important paper regarding the email we sent that directs you to the app notification pertaining to school pick-up before winter break. Spoiler alert—it’s an early out!”

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“Hello, this is Dr. [muffled sound] ’s office calling with your test results. Please return our call immediately after picking up your children from CHERRY HILL ELEMENTARY at noon on Friday, December 17.”

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“Greetings, CHERRY HILL ELEMENTARY parents, but especially Harrison’s mom. In the event that you have not written this Friday’s early dismissal on your calendar, please note that we really need you to pick him up at 12:00 p.m.”

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“Hey, girl! It’s been forever! Let’s grab some coffee before CHERRY HILL ELEMENTARY pick-up on Friday, which I hear is at 12:00 p.m. sharp!”

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“This is Todd calling from Fast & Jiffy. Our records indicate that you are overdue for an oil change. Please bring your vehicle in for service as soon as you have picked up your children from CHERRY HILL ELEMENTARY at 12:00 p.m. on December 17.”

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“Parents. The office staff of CHERRY HILL ELEMENTARY is so ready for this winter break, which begins at 12:00 p.m. sharp tomorrow, December 17. We just want to close out the month’s attendance records, file the towering stack of COVID return-to-school notes, and go home to collapse in a heap of exhaustion on the couch. We could absolutely not handle a repeat of the botched Thanksgiving early-out.”

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“Congratulations! You may already be a winner! Winners will be announced in person at CHERRY HILL ELEMENTARY at noon on Friday, December 17.”

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“Good morning, families of CHERRY HILL ELEMENTARY. Today is the day! Together, we can make the dream of a successful 12:00 p.m. pick-up a reality!”

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“Look. It is 10:00 a.m. and you need to have a plan to pick up your child two hours from now at 12:00 p.m. at CHERRY HILL ELEMENTARY. Set an alarm on your phone. We’ll wait.”

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“T-minus fifteen, people. If you are not already on your way to CHERRY HILL ELEMENTARY to pick up your student, hang up and proceed immediately to the school.”

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CHERRY HILL ELEMENTARY parents. It is now 12:01 p.m. on Friday, December 17. All students still waiting to be picked up from school have been issued a recorder and the sheet music to ‘The Gummy Bear Song’ to practice over winter break.”