McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.
Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.
Articles by
Kent Woodyard
-
November 20, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Let’s all invite an Onondaga Indian (AKA “pagan savage”) in and badger him about Jesus. Wartime atrocities aside… let’s become apostles!”
-
October 29, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: “America should obviously keep killing terrorists. That’s retribution, baby!”
-
September 26, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Tyrannosaurs usually only eat dinners they’ve intentionally assaulted. A tyrannosaurus doesn’t order pre-attacked entrees. Dinosaurs aren’t like Americans.”
-
August 28, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: Actually, Some White Men CAN Jump. Trampolines Prevent Racially Biased Athleticism
-
August 10, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Only losers—probably Presbyterians or their fellow Calvinists—find religious services that go after brunch palatable.”
-
July 25, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Sporty lesbians get extremely competitive when playing softball. They make mountains outta molehills—often making women cry following bad losses.”
-
June 15, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Before conservatives fawned over him, ‘Mormon Mitt’ never waxed presidential.”
-
May 9, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Occupational proctologists are proficient bottom probers and butt pluggers. Orthopedic nurses are nice, but not ‘anal business’ nice.”
-
April 2, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Remember Bernie Mac? That guy made people laugh by combining standoffishness and slapstick—nuanced performances rarely repeated since.”
-
March 14, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Coldplay doesn’t count as ‘European exceptionalism.’”
-
February 29, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: Vegans Proudly Show Off Their Healthy “Pretend Poultry” Tacos or Their Soy Sauce Omelettes. Seemingly, Skipping Over the Tasty Staples of Dinner Appeals to Annoying Gardeners
-
February 10, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: Pontiffs Can Certainly Forgive Sins, But Excommunication Has Obvious Recreational Benefits
Trending 🔥
Recently
-
March 22, 2023I Don’t Eat Gluten or Dairy Anymore Except for When I Do
-
March 22, 2023Eight Wilderness Survival Tips for Adjunct Writing Instructors
-
March 21, 2023Your Tesla Has Installed the Latest Update and Is Now a Toaster
-
March 21, 2023We Would Like to Discuss Why Our Preschooler Was Replaced After Only One Week as Snack Helper