MCSWEENEY'S QUARTERLY SUBSCRIPTIONS
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Articles by
Kent Woodyard
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January 26, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: “People say President Jefferson had nineteen different mistresses. Dude, Jefferson had Chlamydia—no doubt.”
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January 11, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Canada’s bloated, openly-apathetic government makes America’s entrenched, debt-frenzied Congress seem somewhat competent…”
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January 5, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Strippers, while tantalizing, can rarely provide comfort—pretty looking but empty inside.”
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December 13, 2011Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Dude, Wal-Mart always tears apart the illest songs…”
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November 7, 2011Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Los Angeles residents love actors, singers, and Kobe. San Franciscans prefer “granola people” – bicyclists, bearded Democrats, people with bisexual dads…”
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October 26, 2011Non-Essential Mnemonics: “President Crawford, Dean Gregory, dignified guests, bloggers and journalists, hecklers, fraternity brothers, campus safety officers, students, and janitorial staff… hello, konnichiwa, salud.” (laughter)
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October 10, 2011Non-Essential Mnemonics: Veggie Burgers are Pointless. People Can’t Give Up Cow & Still Expect “Burgers” from Gardens
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September 19, 2011Non-Essential Mnemonics: “I mean… immigration isn’t illegal is it?”
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September 6, 2011Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Just finished making a massive jalapeno-jerky-avocado sandwich. Oddly… not disgusting”
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August 22, 2011Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Hey. Idiot. Give me exact change.”
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August 15, 2011Non-Essential Mnemonics: Most Tourists Can’t Distinguish Between the Famous Hilton Sisters and Random Other Slutty Celebrity Starlets. Paris, Nicky, Lindsay Lohan, Heidi Pratt, Whoever Else—All are Identically Classless to the Typical Foreigner
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August 4, 2011Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Hey, hotties. Can you make babies? Excellent! Message me. Baby making virtually guarantees betrothal.”
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November 22, 2023Post-Dinner Interview with a Twelve-Year-Old Who Sat at the Grown-Ups’ Table for the First Time on Thanksgiving
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November 14, 2023In the Office Auto-Reply Emails for a Hybrid Work Schedule
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February 23, 2012Lines from The Princess Bride That Double as Comments on Freshman Composition Papers
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November 17, 2023Quiz: Are You the Worst Person at Thanksgiving?
Recently
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December 2, 2023“Just Say the Word, and I’ll Bring My Whole Heart to Anything”: Remembering Gabe Hudson
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December 1, 2023A Message from the Chancellor on the Recent Student Protest
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December 1, 2023We Can’t Wait to Be Part of Your Neighborhood, but First We Need to Dig This Massive Hole
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November 30, 2023A Garnet Hill Lady Does MDMA