The Believer Magazine
Articles by
Kent Woodyard
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November 7, 2013Non-Essential Mnemonics: Daily Prostate Checks Keep People (Mostly Guys) Energized and Youthful
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August 30, 2013Non-Essential Mnemonics: “People say kings bring leadership. Erroneous! Kings murder. Kings guillotine. Kings love power. Powerful kings yield powerless kingdoms.”
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July 15, 2013Non-Essential Mnemonics: "Planet Hoth gets ‘Hiroshima’d.’ (Bitchin!) Skywalker visits Yoda. Solo and Leia french. (Righteous!)…
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June 24, 2013Non-Essential Mnemonics: “No, you idiot. The Bolshevik Regime tanked because Bolshevik ministers didn’t facilitate market capitalism. Haha…socialism? Seriously?! Poor people should just save some money”
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June 5, 2013Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Football mania spread sadism throughout the world.”
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May 20, 2013Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Until I found Buddhism, Sikhism seemed compelling—even magical. When golf anxiety started making intimacy unpleasant, Sikh filosophy [sic] kept John grounded. Sikhism’s awesome.”
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May 9, 2013Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Ruining America’s ‘national treasures’ feels somewhat bittersweet considering I’ve (obviously) never taken Freemasonry seriously. Booyah.”
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April 22, 2013Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Black bears rarely butcher random backwoods ragamuffins,” said bear researcher, Steve Winslow. “Tourists don’t really taste right.”
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March 25, 2013Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Country music just makes people sad. Garth, Kenny, Rascal Flatts… whoever. They’re always crying about Republican politics, drinking alone, and Jesus.”
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March 11, 2013Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Rollerblading men invited vitriol until X Games.”
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January 14, 2013Non-Essential Mnemonics: “The mainstream media creates scandals to help ratings. Networks race for commercial dollars—celebrating hysteria and commissioning ‘junk journalism.’”
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December 4, 2012Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Lazy judges & hypocritical lawyers frequently justify unfair rulings by jailing serial jerkoffs.”
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March 13, 2025It’s a Shame We Have to Betray Our Allies, Starve the Poor, Halt Scientific Progress, Destroy the Environment, and Eliminate the Freedoms Enshrined in the Bill of Rights, but at Least My Investment Portfolio Is Also Tanking
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