Kent Woodyard

Non-Essential Mnemonics: Daily Prostate Checks Keep People (Mostly Guys) Energized and Youthful

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “People say kings bring leadership. Erroneous! Kings murder. Kings guillotine. Kings love power. Powerful kings yield powerless kingdoms.”

Non-Essential Mnemonics: "Planet Hoth gets ‘Hiroshima’d.’ (Bitchin!) Skywalker visits Yoda. Solo and Leia french. (Righteous!)…

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “No, you idiot. The Bolshevik Regime tanked because Bolshevik ministers didn’t facilitate market capitalism. Haha…socialism? Seriously?! Poor people should just save some money”

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Football mania spread sadism throughout the world.”

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Until I found Buddhism, Sikhism seemed compelling—even magical. When golf anxiety started making intimacy unpleasant, Sikh filosophy [sic] kept John grounded. Sikhism’s awesome.”

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Ruining America’s ‘national treasures’ feels somewhat bittersweet considering I’ve (obviously) never taken Freemasonry seriously. Booyah.”

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Black bears rarely butcher random backwoods ragamuffins,” said bear researcher, Steve Winslow. “Tourists don’t really taste right.”

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Country music just makes people sad. Garth, Kenny, Rascal Flatts… whoever. They’re always crying about Republican politics, drinking alone, and Jesus.”

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Rollerblading men invited vitriol until X Games.”

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “The mainstream media creates scandals to help ratings. Networks race for commercial dollars—celebrating hysteria and commissioning ‘junk journalism.’”

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Lazy judges & hypocritical lawyers frequently justify unfair rulings by jailing serial jerkoffs.”