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Articles by
Michael Ward
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February 19, 2021The Best Games to Play with Your Children after Nearly a Year in Quarantine
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January 27, 2021AITAs for Parents of Young Children
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October 31, 2019A Complete Classification System For the Different Actions That Follow Your Four-Year-Old Yelling “Dad, Watch This!” At You From Across the Room
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September 9, 2019Famous Movies Rewritten For Parents of Young Children On Their First Date Night Since Their Youngest Child Entered the Four-Month Sleep Regression
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February 6, 2019Please Listen Carefully, Because Our Menu Options Have Changed and Are Also a Hellish, Kafkaesque Experiment Developed to Test the Effects of Psychological Warfare
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October 18, 2018Fresh Middle-Ground Alternatives Between NIMBY and YIMBY
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August 10, 2018Tips for Watching the Perseid Meteor Shower with Your Toddler, as Written by Someone Who Has Never Seen a Meteor Shower and Who Has Never Interacted with a Toddler for More Than a Few Minutes
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June 14, 2018The Top Ten 2018 Men’s World Cup Teams Ranked By How Easily the First Lines of Each Country’s National Anthem Could Be Slipped Unnoticed Into Expository Voiceover In a Lord Of The Rings Movie
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March 19, 2013A Memo to Investors in 11D Technologies, Inc
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February 3, 2011Words That Could Conceivably Be Used to Describe Both the Super Bowl and a Superb Owl
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May 9, 2007Your Proposed Design For The New Roosevelt Elementary School
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November 6, 2006The Race For Junior Class Vice President Goes Negative
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April 13, 2021An FAQ About Your New Birth Control: The Music of Rush
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April 16, 2021As a Republican, I Believe White Men Are Boys, Boys of Color Are Men, and Underage Girls Are Consenting Adults
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April 9, 2021The Five Stages of Grief When Dealing With No Longer Being Able to See the “Scoop, There It Is” Geico Commercial
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April 9, 2021An Open Letter to My Children Regarding the Commencement of Asynchronous Parenting
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April 23, 2021Shakespeare Finds Out About the “Shakespeare Authorship Question” from Walter Mondale
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April 22, 2021Our Company Is Committed to Going 100% Carbon-Free By the Year 3000
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April 22, 2021I Will Gladly Explain Why I Hate The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Just As Soon As I Finish Reading All 22 Pages
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April 22, 2021Cassandra Speaks Up