Michael Ward

List: Famous Movies Rewritten For Parents of Young Children On Their First Date Night Since Their Youngest Child Entered the Four-Month Sleep Regression

List: Please Listen Carefully, Because Our Menu Options Have Changed and Are Also a Hellish, Kafkaesque Experiment Developed to Test the Effects of Psychological Warfare

List: Fresh Middle-Ground Alternatives Between NIMBY and YIMBY

Tips for Watching the Perseid Meteor Shower with Your Toddler, as Written by Someone Who Has Never Seen a Meteor Shower and Who Has Never Interacted with a Toddler for More Than a Few Minutes

List: The Top Ten 2018 Men’s World Cup Teams Ranked By How Easily the First Lines of Each Country’s National Anthem Could Be Slipped Unnoticed Into Expository Voiceover In a Lord Of The Rings Movie

A Memo to Investors in 11D Technologies, Inc

List: Words That Could Conceivably Be Used to Describe Both the Super Bowl and a Superb Owl

Your Proposed Design For The New Roosevelt Elementary School

The Race For Junior Class Vice President Goes Negative

List: Words and Phrases I Hope Never Appear in Front of My Name in Print

The Weekly Column of a Local-Newspaper Ombudsman Attempting to Communicate His Marital Frustrations Through His Work

List: Fun Facts About Chinese President Hu Jintao, as Conveyed by American Culture