McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.
Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.
Articles by
Michael Ward
-
October 31, 2019A Complete Classification System For the Different Actions That Follow Your Four-Year-Old Yelling “Dad, Watch This!” At You From Across the Room
-
September 9, 2019Famous Movies Rewritten For Parents of Young Children On Their First Date Night Since Their Youngest Child Entered the Four-Month Sleep Regression
-
February 6, 2019Please Listen Carefully, Because Our Menu Options Have Changed and Are Also a Hellish, Kafkaesque Experiment Developed to Test the Effects of Psychological Warfare
-
October 18, 2018Fresh Middle-Ground Alternatives Between NIMBY and YIMBY
-
August 10, 2018Tips for Watching the Perseid Meteor Shower with Your Toddler, as Written by Someone Who Has Never Seen a Meteor Shower and Who Has Never Interacted with a Toddler for More Than a Few Minutes
-
June 14, 2018The Top Ten 2018 Men’s World Cup Teams Ranked By How Easily the First Lines of Each Country’s National Anthem Could Be Slipped Unnoticed Into Expository Voiceover In a Lord Of The Rings Movie
-
March 19, 2013A Memo to Investors in 11D Technologies, Inc
-
February 3, 2011Words That Could Conceivably Be Used to Describe Both the Super Bowl and a Superb Owl
-
May 9, 2007Your Proposed Design For The New Roosevelt Elementary School
-
November 6, 2006The Race For Junior Class Vice President Goes Negative
-
January 13, 2006Words and Phrases I Hope Never Appear in Front of My Name in Print
-
August 18, 2005The Weekly Column of a Local-Newspaper Ombudsman Attempting to Communicate His Marital Frustrations Through His Work
Trending 🔥
-
July 20, 2020Another Dull Quarantine Weekend at Home, Target, Chipotle, Home Depot, and Our Niece’s Graduation Party
-
July 10, 2020
Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing (So Far): Atrocities 1-796 -
July 31, 2020Teacher
-
July 22, 2020Advanced Calculations for Women in Heterosexual Relationships
Recently
-
August 4, 2020Jurassic Park Is Last, Which Means We’re First
-
August 4, 2020The Dark Side of the Moon Is Coming Along Well, But Let’s Not Lose Track of the Big Picture, Which Is That We Need This Album to Synch-Up With The Wizard of Oz
-
August 4, 2020Reasons My Baby Will No Longer Be Wearing a Diaper in Public
-
August 4, 2020
Sharpies