The Believer Magazine
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Lists
GOP Euphemisms for
“Cutting Medicaid”“Wealth redistribution (direction undisclosed)”
“Cutting waste, fraud, abuse (and some health insurance)”
“A big, beautiful social welfare cut” -
On My Deathbed, I Have Just One Regret: Not Spending More Time Resetting Passwords
“Nothing makes you feel more alive than registering for an account, making a password, instantly forgetting it, and repeating the whole process for every transaction.” -
This Isn’t the Future We at Dippin’ Dots Envisioned
“Since 1988, we’ve been waiting for the future to arrive at Little League concession stands and any place that smells like popcorn and feet. But now that the future is here, we regret to announce that we are extremely disappointed.” -
Hope Is the Thing with Funding—and We’re Yanking Yours
“Be advised that we’re monitoring the em dashes, as they appear to be coded signals potentially indicative of subversive coordination.” -
I Am Your Surgeon, and I Will Be Wearing This Hat
“The surgery itself should be quick, maybe forty-five minutes. You will be asleep the whole time. This hat will be on my head. When we’re finished, they’ll bring you out to our post-anesthesia care unit while I continue to wear this hat.”
Trending
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May 9, 2025Unsung Heroes of Motherhood
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May 8, 2025An Open Letter to Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Who Thinks My Daughter Is a Tragedy
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May 19, 2025A Company Reminder for Everyone to Talk Nicely About the Giant Plagiarism Machine
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May 9, 2025Chicago Pope’s First Changes
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May 9, 2025Moms Have a Secret: They Want Cigarettes for Mother’s Day
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
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May 20, 2025Short Conversations with Poets: Margaret Ross
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May 16, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Ask Carrie, Spring 2025
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May 15, 2025Reviews of New Food: Pringles Hot Ones Los Calientes Rojo Crisps
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May 13, 2025Hello, I’m New Here
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May 8, 2025Letters to Moms: A Letter to Back to the Future’s Lorraine Baines-McFly
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May 5, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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May 2, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Delroy Lindo
News & Announcements
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A thirteen-time National Magazine Award finalist. Subscribe to The Believer today!
Recent Posts
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May 20, 2025More Latin Mottoes for Trump-Era Goverment Entities
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May 20, 2025The Problem with My City Is That It’s a City
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May 19, 2025I’m a Trump-Loving Springsteen Fanatic, and the Cognitive Dissonance Is Finally Catching Up with Me
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May 19, 2025A Company Reminder for Everyone to Talk Nicely About the Giant Plagiarism Machine
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May 19, 2025Young Lady, Those Shorts Are Too Long
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