Wow, isn’t our baby so beautiful? Every time I look at her I’m in awe. She is truly the most beautiful baby in the world.

… Right? You think that too, don’t you? OK, that’s what I thought. She’s absolutely gorgeous. Neither of us is thinking anything otherwise about our precious new baby.

I definitely don’t find anything off-putting about her conic head. It’s perfect. That goes away eventually, though, doesn’t it? Eventually, her head will look normal — I mean, non-conic. There’s nothing out of the ordinary about having a tapered head. I was simply mentioning that it will probably round out. Not that it needs to. She’s already so beautiful. Here, why don’t I put her hat on. Not because I have any weird feelings about the shape of her head. I would just hate to waste a good hat.

Anyway. I can’t take my eyes off our baby because she’s so beautiful. Feel how soft her skin is. Well, her skin and the layer of dark hair covering her whole body. Don’t be alarmed, that’s totally normal for a newborn. New babies are supposed to look like little chimpanzees.

Chimpanzees are so beautiful.

Hey, let’s find a picture to send our friends and family for the birth announcement! Let me look through your phone and find the perfect photo to showcase how stunningly gorgeous our little cherub is.

Not this one. No… no… none of these really quite capture how beautiful our baby is. No… no… It’s not that these pictures are bad or anything. I just want to find the best one.

Why do you have this picture of Wallace Shawn saved in your phone? Are you a big Wallace Shawn fan? I never knew that about you. My Dinner with Andre is so great, right?

Oh, that’s not a picture of Wallace Shawn. That’s a picture of our baby. I knew that. I was just joking around. I know that lots of people, and babies, have hair growing just around the sides of their head and are completely bald on top, and have Wallace Shawn’s exact face.

Gosh, she really is angelic, isn’t she?

Let’s put these pictures aside for now. We’ll take a nice one later, when the lighting is better.

You know what I was just thinking of? Remember when that sparrow built a nest under our back deck? And one day we heard the softest chirping coming from it, so we peeked underneath and found three newly hatched fledglings? Remember how they hadn’t gotten their plumage yet, and they were pink and wrinkly and gooey, and they had those beady black eyes?

I don’t know what made me think of that.

Our baby is perfect.