BC-6000-DJT-01: $600 to come up with a cool name for asbestos-related cancer that will make people kind of glad they have it.

BC-6000-DJT-02: $25 to pay a county fair artist to airbrush a portrait of Jesus on the side of a homeless person’s cardboard box.

BC-6000-DJT-03: $10,000,000 for a totally terrific 501©(3) called Slick Donny’s Tremendously Real Urban Housing Corp.

BC-6000-DJT-04: All the lead-based paint you can drink!

BC-6000-DJT-06: $100,000 to build a really nice playground really far away from you and $10 for a pair of pretty good binoculars to see it.

BC-6000-DJT-06: Steve Harvey will come to your studio apartment and describe a forest to you.

BC-6000-DJT-07: A double-dog dare to drop $75,000 worth of solar panels off of a roof.

BC-6000-DJT-08: A free motion-activated cardboard cutout of Joel Osteen that says “Repent!” every time a gang sign is detected.

BC-6000-DJT-09: Monsanto will crop-dust your community garden. You still have to pay for it.

BC-6000-DJT-10: Jared Kushner will throw scratch-off lotto tickets from a helicopter onto your “hood.”

BC-6000-DJT-11: $25,000 for a nuclear fallout shelter.

BC-6000-DJT-12: We’ll let you borrow a bunch of shovels to dig a mass grave.

BC-6000-DJT-13: We’ll let you borrow a circular saw to build a wheelchair ramp that leads straight into the mass grave.

BC-6000-DJT-14: Matched funds to dismantle a daycare and reassemble it into a Hardee’s.

BC-6000-DJT-15: Martin Shkreli will leave a sweet biopharm stock tip under the windshield wiper of the car you’re living in.

BC-6000-DJT-16: Ted Nugent will blow on your neck in the summer and microwave one of those rice sock things for you in the winter.

BC-6000-DJT-17: A blind child will sing “The Star Spangled Banner” while a wrecking ball smashes your house.

BC-6000-DJT-18: Kellyanne Conway will explain to your community why shelter is overrated.

BC-6000-DJT-19: Little Caesar’s Hot n’ Ready pizza party for your church group to spray paint "Liberal Tears” on all Flint, Michigan, water towers.