Submarine Parent

You’re happiest staying well out of sight, but will rise to periscope depth if you smell weed or hear something break.

Skateboard Parent

You consistently debase yourself by trying too hard to be your kid’s “friend,” and are also 100% certain to have your spinal column fused after attempting a 360 kickflip.

Cruise Ship Parent

No matter how much you sanitize, someone in your house always has the Norovirus.

NYC Subway Parent

You are alarmingly dysfunctional, and consistently cause your kid to go on social media and post obscene tirades about you.

Greyhound Bus Parent

Your philosophy is that the parenting journey should be filled with frequent stops, drool on a stranger’s shoulder, and the occasional midnight knife fight.

Airplane Middle Seat Parent

You feel surrounded on all sides by hostiles, so you establish your authority by hogging all of the armrests/TV remotes and passive aggressive farting.

Horse and Buggy Parent

It takes you an extra long time to get your kid what they need, and then your high schooler isn’t even grateful for his new Elmo backpack.

Prius Parent

Your approach is silent, yet well-meaning and kind of trendy, if we’re being completely honest. Still, you’re not a total douche like those Tesla parents.

Driverless Uber Parent

You’re laissez-faire in the truest sense of the term, possibly even negligent, and frankly it’s a miracle no one’s been killed yet.

Trojan Horse Parent

You offer to help pay for your grown kid’s new house “no strings attached,” but ten years later “what’s with all this extra space why don’t I just move in with you guys?”

Roomba Parent

You spend the day in a semi-catatonic state drifting all over the house picking up after everyone. Also, there is a 100% chance one of your kids has dropped a cat on you in an attempt to make a viral video.

5K Run Parent

You are committed enough to go a short distance, but start to cramp and need a Mylar blanket and a vodka-infused energy drink to complete the entire route.

Hummer Stretch Limo Parent

You are fun-loving and try your best to accommodate everyone. But you also reek of alcohol, are a nightmare at parallel parking, and need to be refueled every 20 minutes.