1. You totally have a beautiful and famous girlfriend, but she’s not around at the moment for far-fetched reasons.

2. The animals are too cute to hunt.

3. You can start a fire, but you catch on fire too.

4. Your idea of a sporting good time is prancing around on a horse you call Sir Haunches.

5. You don’t know how most of your tools work, and they break as soon as you try them.

6. Your handiwork is just a bunch of shit glued together.

7. You can get to where you’re going but only by checking the map every twenty seconds.

8. You run away from fights to spend the day looking for new clothes everyone is talking about.

9. You boil steak.

10. When you see a flower you say, “Oooh!” and run to pick it.

11. You listen attentively to everyone’s whining and moaning without telling them what to do.

12. You change outfits four times per day.

13. You float from job to job and transport others to make extra on the side.

14. You’re a freegan.

- - -

Zelda: 1-14
Disappointing your father: 1-14