You’re receiving this quick survey because you recently took part in a hands-on training session with me in which we made out. Here at Me, we’re committed to improving and tracking performance, as well as capturing any and all relevant details of your response to this event. This helps us do our job better — you get to give us one-on-one and personalized feedback, and we get to obsess about the meaning of it all, what you might be thinking or feeling, and how weird it is to dive into someone’s mouth in an effort to mitigate the tenderness-less of the waking world!
If you could take a few minutes to fill out this survey, we at Team Me would super appreciate it. Please return it in a timely fashion, so I can avoid spending all my time wondering what you’re doing and wind up not accomplishing anything.
How would you assess the usefulness of the event as a training tool?
- Extremely useful. You basically introduced me to the human mouth. I did not previously know about mouths.
- Very useful. I found your aggressiveness somewhat charming and plan to integrate it into my later workout.
- Somewhat useful. I keep finding loose strands of your hair all over my couch.
- Not useful. My time would have been better spent sloppily eating a peach, or possibly a can of peaches.
How likely is it that you would recommend the event to a friend or colleague?
- Extremely likely. Our friend group has all made out with each other, and it’s high time we acknowledged that with the enthusiasm and mutual support of peers.
- This is a trick question.
- Not likely. You were clearly wearing off-brand men’s deodorant, which deeply compromised my boner.
Overall, how would you rate the event?
- I wouldn’t — that would be too unfeeling, too cold. I’m just, like, kind of a sensitive guy, you know? I couldn’t really rate things in binaries like that.
- Fine I guess : )
How organized was the event?
- Please do something with your hair. It is too long, appears to be unbrushed, and is stuck all over your clothes. You are not a willowy nymph-like type; a nice headband might help you tame that mane.
- Somewhat organized. Why did you keep getting messages from a group text entitled “AuNtIe AnNe’s PrEtZeL FaNs!” and why didn’t you respond to any of them?
- Pretty organized! You switched lip position with great consistency, probably due to how often you applied Chapstick (constantly).
How friendly was the staff?
- Very friendly. It’s kind of cute, I guess, but please stop forcing me to look at your past month of iPhone photos.
- Fine, but your muffled breath noises were not super helpful when I asked you to move a little so there wasn’t a pillow in my back.
- Not friendly. You rudely demanded to give you a hickey in a way that made me feel unappreciated and talked down to, like a common suction cup.
How helpful was the staff?
- Helpful; you turned off the lights.
- Not helpful; you didn’t turn off the lights.
How likely would you be to attend a similar event in the future?
- Silence for two months, followed by a ‘k’
- Click 👍 in response to a long explanatory text I sent about my feelings and how ambivalent I am about my feelings about this and how confusing this all is and do you ever want to just FEEL something??
- Maybe, I guess, if you like, resolve those urgent messages you keep getting about Auntie Annie’s Pretzels?? It’s really stressing me out?
Thank you for taking the time to complete this survey! We truly value the information you have provided, as well as your participation in the session (in which we made out). Your responses will contribute to our analyses of the make out and projections for next quarter, and may even suggest new lines of approach to the data.
You can find the latest updates on future make outs and other events on our blog or via text, although we understand that texting isn’t a preferred medium for many of our clients. If you don’t want to receive these updates, just like, whatever, that’s cool, I’m totally cool, just let me know.
With sincere best wishes,