As always, your university takes teaching evaluations very seriously. Please first complete the usual questions about the course and your instructor. Then, rate your instructor’s skill at adapting to sudden online teaching in a pandemic.

1. Extent to which the instructor helped you learn and stay engaged in the new online format

2. Extent to which the instructor managed to host Zoom classes with a minimum of cursing, minor hardware violence, and/or passive-aggressive comments about how “my Ph.D. advisor never had to deal with this shit”

3. Extent to which instructor remembered to wear real pants

4. Extent to which instructor kept existential terror simmering below the surface

5. Extent to which instructor remembered to mute their audio before yelling at their spouse/ pet/ small children to keep it down, they’re teaching a class, no, you can get your own snack, stop hitting your brother, OMG it’s just an effing spider, please don’t scream like that unless there are rivers of blood

6. Extent to which instructor could suddenly create new lab courses/ choir rehearsals/ ceramics studios that were never in a million years designed for virtual learning without spontaneous sobbing or visible panic attacks

7. Extent to which instructor raged against the dying of the light

8. Extent to which instructor diplomatically hinted that you should perhaps clean out the liquor bottles from the background in your “roommate’s” room before recording your final project video

9. Extent to which instructor remembered to keep their own background devoid of liquor bottles

10. Finally, did any part of this global pandemic not cater to your specific needs and desires?