1. So grateful this story found a home! = 72 other lit journals rejected it.

2. Taking a short vacay from social media. Happy writing, y’all! = If I have to “like” another “very nice” publishing deal, I’m going to hurl my MacBook Air at a wall and dance on its shattered logic board.

3. Personalized rejections really do make all the difference! = I’m drunk.

4. Did anyone check out those free courses on Skillshare? Amazing! = My ex was right; my MFA really should be called an MFW  —  Mother Fucking Waste.

5. Wrote 6K words today! = I’m counting texts, grocery lists, Insta comments, and the tear-stained letter to my nana in which I ask for an advance on my inheritance.

6. Let’s do a writer lift. Share your faves! = My neighbor’s Shiba Inu has more followers than I do. Wiley bastard.

7. #3amWritersClub! Who’s with me? = Nailing the voice of this crime-fighting unicorn has given me crippling insomnia.

8. Where are all my beta readers at? = My BFF, mom, and professor/lover are feigning spontaneous blindness after skimming my last chapter told from the POV of my yucca plant.

9. Remember: Writing a novel is a marathon, not a sprint. #CantRushGreatness. = If you finish your WIP ahead of me and query the agents I’m targeting, I’ll come to your house and murder you and Mrs. Dalloway, the cat who’s seen you through every painstaking revision.

10. Here’s the link to pre-order my YA thriller. = I’m facing eviction.

11. Super-psyched to read for this new flash fiction zine. = Can’t wait to dole out the blistering criticism that’s flooded my inbox for the past decade.

12. Just got a FULL manuscript request! Pinch me, I’m dreaming!!!! = It’s from my college roommate, but still.

13. Intermittent fasting sparked the clarity I needed to complete this chapbook. Highly recommend. = I blew this month’s grocery budget on Submittable and contest fees.

14. If a pub rejected my poem but wrote “submit to our next issue,” do they mean it? = I’ve stopped seeing my therapist.

15. Don’t forget to check your spam folder! Just found a rejection. Better than no response at all, right? = Someone dial 9–1–1.

16. Was it Anne Lamott who said, “Staring out the window thinking about writing is every bit as important as actually writing?” = Should I just go back to my job at Old Navy?

17. Normalize being ghosted by your agent… = It’s over, isn’t it?