Illustration by Francisco Baudizzone
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Throughout our Kickstarter campaign (thanks to all who backed us!), we counted down the 50 most-read pieces on our site ever. Using our middle school-level math skills and a graphic calendar we bought for 9 bitcoins from a nephew of a guy we first met in the backstage VIP lounge at a P.M. Dawn concert, we developed an algorithm that in turn helped us tabulate the most clicked-on articles, lists, monologues, and open letters on the Tendency during the entire 17 years of its existence. The results of which can be found below. Thanks to everyone who has read this site over the years. Because of our Kickstarter’s success, we look forward to publishing short humor each weekday for years to come.

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50. Goofus, Gallant, Rashomon
by Jim Stallard (3/11/05)

49. 30 and Pregnant
by Rachel Friedman (6/3/11)

48. The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Meeting People More Famous Than You
by Michael Ian Black (8/25/03)

47. Feminist Humblebrags
by Lindsey Finn (5/1/14)

46. The Talent Competition
by Tim Carvell (3/17/1999)

45. Nate Silver Offers Up a Statistical Analysis of Your Failing Relationship
by Jory John (2/26/13)

44. Thirteen Writing Prompts
by Dan Wiencek (5/4/06)

43. Unused Audio Commentary by Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky, Recorded Summer 2002 For The Fellowship Of The Ring (Platinum Series Extended Edition) DVD, Part One
by Tom Bissell and Jeff Alexander (4/23/03)

42. Respectful Yo Mama Jokes
by Lucas Klauss (5/8/09)

41. A Letter to Optimus Prime From His Geico Auto Insurance Agent
by John Frank Weaver (7/9/07)

40. Hamlet: Facebook Newsfeed Edition
by Sarah Schmelling (7/30/08)

39. E-mail Addresses It Would Be Really Annoying to Give Out Over the Phone
by Michael Ward (8/27/04)

38. God Texts the Ten Commandments
by Jamie Quatro (6/3/09)

37. Famous Writers’ Cosmo Tips
by Priya Alika-Elias (9/20/12)

36. Our Daughter Isn’t a Selfish Brat; Your Son Just Hasn’t Read Atlas Shrugged
by Eric Hague (8/12/10)

35. Sexting Ice Breakers for English Grad Students
by Hollie Adams (1/4/12)

34. Classic Movies Changed to Not Be Sexist
by Blythe Robertson (8/14/14)

33. The Only Thing That Can Stop This Asteroid is Your Liberal Arts Degree
by Mike Lacher (4/22/10)

32. I Would Like to Be Pope
by John Ortved (2/25/13)

31. What Your Favorite Classic Rock Band Says About You
by John Peck (2/24/11)

30. I Want to Make Love to You Like In the Movies
by Josh Gondelman (8/13/13)

29. An Open Letter to the Gentleman Blow-Drying His Balls in the Gym Locker Room
by Ross Beeley (5/27/11)

28. Security Questions for Single, Childless People
by Shannon Reed (10/3/14)

27. It’s Not You, It’s Quantitative Cost-Benefit Analysis
by Josh Freedman (2/5/13)

26. This is a Generic Brand Video
by Kendra Eash (2/6/14)

25. An Update On the Problem Of Maria
by Matthew Belinkie (4/24/07)

24. Walter White’s “I Am the One Who Knocks” Speech as Written by Other Authors
by Laura Spadanuta (9/27/13)

23. I’m Just a Fucking Cat
by Patricia Robinson (1/4/14)

22. The World’s First and Only Completely Honest Résumé of a Graphic Designer
by Marco Kaye (6/4/12)

21. An Open Letter to People Who Take Pictures of Food With Instagram
by Katherine Markovich (6/29/12)

20. An Honest College Rejection Letter
by Mimi Evans (3/26/15)

19, Kafka’s Joke Book
by John McNamee (3/19/14)

18. Our Band Only Sold One Copy of Our Album and We’d Like it Back
by Jake Tuck (6/26/14)

17. On the Implausibility of the Death Star’s Trash Compactor
by Joshua Tyree (1/10/02)

16. Airplane Passengers as Explained By Their Pants
by Wendi Aarons (5/4/12)

15. Lines from The Princess Bride that Double as Comments on Freshman Composition Papers
by Jennifer Simonson (2/23/12)

14. FAQ: The ‘Snake Fight’ Portion of Your Thesis Defense
by Luke Burns (11/9/10)

13. Back From Yet Another Globetrotting Adventure, Indiana Jones Checks His Mail and Discovers That His Bid for Tenure Has Been Denied
by Andy Bryan (10/11/06)

12. Seven Bar Jokes Involving Grammar and Punctuation
by Eric K. Auld (11/8/11)

11. Reasons You Were Not Promoted That Are Totally Unrelated to Gender
by Homa Mojtabai (1/27/15)

10. A Post Gender Normative Man Tries to Pick Up a Woman at a Bar
by Jesse Eisenberg (7/21/11)

9. What Your Favorite ’80s Band Says About You
by John Peck (7/5/11)

8. In Which I Fix My Girlfriend’s Grandparents’ WiFi and Am Hailed as a Conquering Hero
by Mike Lacher (1/20/12)

7. Hello Stranger On the Street, Could You Please Tell Me How to Take Care of My Baby?
by Wendy Molyneux (8/16/12)

6. Client Feedback On the Creation of the Earth
by Mike Lacher (5/30/14)

5. I Regret to Inform You That My Wedding to Captain Von Trapp Has Been Canceled
by Melinda Taub (5/18/11)

4. The Ultimate Guide to Writing Better Than You Normally Do
by Colin Nissan (4/10/12)

3. I’m Comic Sans, Asshole
by Mike Lacher (6/15/2010)

2. It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (10/20/09)

1. Jamie and Jeff’s Birth Plan
by Paul William Davies (6/28/12)