McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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June 1, 2016A Whole Foods Clerk’s All-Store Announcement for a Lost Husband
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May 25, 2016Before We Give This Big Corporate Presentation, I Need You to Smack Me in the Dick
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May 17, 2016Hi, I Am a Delegate — A Non-Superdelegate
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May 6, 2016Whistler’s Mother Has Just About Had It
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April 29, 2016Vanna White at Three in the Morning
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April 19, 2016Albert Einstein Wants You To Know That You Can All Go Fuck Yourselves
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April 13, 2016I’m Not Going to Stop Being a Birthday Clown Just Because My Name Also Happens to Be John Wayne Gacy
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April 8, 2016A Thousand Pardons From a Guy Walking Through First Class to Get to Seat 32B
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April 6, 2016I’m the Word “Sexcapade” and I Just Got Added to This Spell-Check Dictionary
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March 30, 2016Don Corleone Declares a Mattress War
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March 18, 2016A Youth Soccer Player’s Participation Award Acceptance Speech
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March 1, 2016I Don’t Know How to Tell You This, But I’m Not One of Those Mood-Enhancing Lamps
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April 21, 2025Getting Ahead of It: JD Vance Almost Definitely Didn’t Kill the Pope
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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April 9, 2025US News & World Report’s Best Remaining Colleges, 2028
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April 18, 2025The Elementary School Disciplinary Record of Jesus Christ
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