McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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February 22, 2017Betsy DeVos Delivers the Morning Announcements
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February 9, 2017I’m an Anthropomorphic Lady Jar of Mayonnaise and I’m Ready to Play Steve Bannon on Saturday Night Live
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February 8, 2017I, A White Female Trump Voter, Look Forward to the United States’ Impending War with Nordstrom
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February 8, 2017I Am the Host of a Travel Show That is an Elaborate Ruse to Mask My Intense Fear of Commitment
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February 6, 2017The First Law of Thermodynamics Has Had Enough of Your Shit
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February 3, 2017Oh, Am I Ever Angry With the Opposing Sports Team Right Now!
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February 1, 2017My Very Good Black History Month Tribute to Some of the Most Tremendous Black People
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January 27, 2017A Proctor’s Introduction to an Extremely Unstandardized Test
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January 26, 2017I’m a Flawed Character from a Critically Acclaimed Television Show
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January 23, 2017I Bring the Soul-Defiling Spirit of True Norwegian Black Metal to Our Corporate Office Environment
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January 12, 2017I Tried to Order Coffee During a Date, But Had a Crisis About Systemic Bias Instead
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January 11, 2017Vsem Dasvidaniya!: An Expelled Russian Diplomat Says Goodbye to NYC
Trending 🔥
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April 21, 2025Getting Ahead of It: JD Vance Almost Definitely Didn’t Kill the Pope
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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April 9, 2025US News & World Report’s Best Remaining Colleges, 2028
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April 18, 2025The Elementary School Disciplinary Record of Jesus Christ
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May 2, 2025Templates for Thanking President Trump
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May 2, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Delroy Lindo
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May 2, 2025I Just Turned Forty, and Steely Dan’s Entire Discography Mysteriously Appeared on My Phone
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May 1, 2025We Oppose Income Caps on the Ultra-Wealthy, but We’re Totally in Favor of Limiting the Number of Dolls per Household