Short Imagined Monologues

Hi, I’m the Dad You Hate at the Baby Birthday Party You’re Obligated to Attend

I Am Raw, Selvedge Denim

I Am the Melted Skull of Nazi Major Arnold Toht, the Ruthless Gestapo Agent With the Burned Hand In Raiders of the Lost Ark, and I Appreciate Your Sudden Interest In My Thoughts and Feelings

Marina Abramović is Your Kid’s New Soccer Coach and the Team is Down by Nine Goals at the Half

I Do Not Recall Whether or Not I Am Jeff Sessions

The Ghost That’s Haunting Me Mansplains How Breathing Works

I Am the Picasso of Wine and Painting Night

I’m a Millennial With a Microphone Strapped to My Head, So You Better Listen to Me

Hello, I’m the Token Precocious Child On Whatever the Latest HBO Show Is

I’m Diana From Anne of Green Gables and I am Fucking Drunk

I Am Sun Tzu: Please Do Not Renovict Me

I’m a Male Author Photo, Hear Me Brood