The Believer Magazine
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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April 28, 2017Thad, the Worst Student in Your Intro Class, Has Something to Say
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April 25, 2017Lois Lane Explains White Male Privilege to Superman
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April 21, 2017A Few Words from Juicero’s Frazzled Dad
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April 19, 2017What Your Teen Blog Needs is My Unique 40-Year-Old, White, Male Voice
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April 18, 2017My Opinion On Healthcare Policy is Whatever Yours Is, Dean of Medical School Admissions
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April 13, 2017My Life Might Look Great on Instagram, But Deep Down I’m Actually a Ciranolid Isopod
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April 11, 2017I’m a TV News Journalist and Man, Do I Ever Love Bombs
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April 6, 2017Manic Pixie Dream Girls Anonymous
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March 31, 2017Vladimir Nabokov Joins the White House Press Corps
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March 28, 2017I’m Wes Anderson, and I’m Directing This FBI Investigation Into Russia and the Trump Campaign
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March 24, 2017I BUY JUNK CARS AND RUN-DOWN HOUSES FOR CASH $$$. ALSO, IF YOU HAVE ANY FREE TIME, I WOULD JUST LOVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO
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March 23, 2017I Don’t Need a Man — Unless You Know Someone
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April 21, 2025Getting Ahead of It: JD Vance Almost Definitely Didn’t Kill the Pope
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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April 9, 2025US News & World Report’s Best Remaining Colleges, 2028
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April 18, 2025The Elementary School Disciplinary Record of Jesus Christ
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May 2, 2025Templates for Thanking President Trump
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May 2, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Delroy Lindo
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May 2, 2025I Just Turned Forty, and Steely Dan’s Entire Discography Mysteriously Appeared on My Phone
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May 1, 2025We Oppose Income Caps on the Ultra-Wealthy, but We’re Totally in Favor of Limiting the Number of Dolls per Household