The Believer Magazine
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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July 29, 2017Top Gun’s Maverick Addresses the Application of the Term “Maverick” to Senator John McCain
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July 25, 2017I Am a New Meme
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July 12, 2017I Am Trump’s Lawyer’s Lawyer’s Lawyer’s Lawyer and Would Someone Please Tell Me What the Fuck I Am Supposed to Be Doing?
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July 5, 2017I Don’t Care Who You Are or What Color Your Skin Is, I Will Do Anything to Make Sure You Get Your Health Care Denied
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June 30, 2017I’m a Busy Mom and I Have One Simple Question for All Americans on This Fourth of July
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June 2, 2017I’m a Baby Boomer and I’m Mad That the World Isn’t a Stagnant Rock
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June 1, 2017I Am the Fox & Friends Couch
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May 30, 2017I, the MGM Lion, Need Better Acting Direction If We’re Gonna Get This Fucking Shot
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May 16, 2017Back in the Good Old Days, We Had Facts
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May 15, 2017I’m a Creative Director and I Want to Bounce Ideas Off Your Face
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May 11, 2017I Am Diane Keaton’s Crisp White Shirt
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May 4, 2017I Remember When Being a Millennial Actually Meant Something
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April 21, 2025Getting Ahead of It: JD Vance Almost Definitely Didn’t Kill the Pope
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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April 9, 2025US News & World Report’s Best Remaining Colleges, 2028
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April 18, 2025The Elementary School Disciplinary Record of Jesus Christ
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May 2, 2025Templates for Thanking President Trump
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May 1, 2025We Oppose Income Caps on the Ultra-Wealthy, but We’re Totally in Favor of Limiting the Number of Dolls per Household