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Daily humor almost every day since 1998.

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Short Imagined Monologues

Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.

February 7, 2019

I’m a Woman in a Nonfat Yogurt Commercial

by Charulata Sinha
January 30, 2019

I Am a Stryker-X Assault Backpack, and This Airport Lounge Is an Insult

by Tom Ellison
January 9, 2019

Sally Sells Seashells By the Seashore Because the Government Is Shut Down and She Isn’t Getting a Paycheck

by Bobbie Armstrong
December 17, 2018

Just Let Me Have a Robust Debate With Your Adolescent Son

by Dave Anderson
December 12, 2018

I’m The World’s Best Dad Because Once I Watched My Kid When My Wife Wasn’t Around

by Kashana Cauley
December 5, 2018

Hi, It’s Me, the Girlfriend of a Marvel Superhero Trying to Return this Used Car

by Karen Chee
November 30, 2018

I’m Hanukkah and I’m Living My Best Life So Deal With It

by Hanna LoPatin
November 29, 2018

I Am a Liberal Comedian and I Am Ready to Perform Ally-Ship By Calling Conservatives Gay Every Chance I Get

by Garrett Schlichte
October 24, 2018

I’m Your Spaghetti Strap Sports Bra, and I’m Here to Sabotage Your High-Impact Workout

by Kinsey Gidick
October 22, 2018

Hi, I’m the Lone Woman of Color in Your Book Club

by Marisela Grajeda Gonzalez
October 8, 2018

I’m the Tech Venture Capitalist Giving You the Freedom to Barely Scrape By

by Erica Lies
October 2, 2018

I’m the 19th Cupholder In a Subaru Ascent and I’m a Very Big Deal

by Mayur Chauhan

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June 13, 2025

Congrats, Dipshit, You’re a Dad Now

by Carlos Greaves
June 3, 2025

New York Times’ Style Guide Substitutions for “The President Violated the Constitution”

by Carlos Greaves
June 6, 2025

I, Saruman, Have Ended My Alliance with the Dark Lord Sauron

by Carlos Greaves
February 10, 2015

What a Straight Man’s Favorite Musical Says About Him

by Mara Wilson

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June 17, 2025

I’ve Figured Out What My Mayoral Run Is Missing: I Need to Start Sexually Harassing Women

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Minutes from the Latest Meeting of the Council of Landlords

by Grant Lease
June 17, 2025

McSweeney’s Books: A Q&A with Tucker Nichols and McSweeney’s Art Director Sunra Thompson about the New Book, Mostly Everything: The Art of Tucker Nichols

by McSweeney’s
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Welcome to WeStillWork, the Nursing Home for People Who Can’t Afford to Retire

by Emily Kapp and Daniel Stillman