Daily humor
almost every day
since 1998.
almost every day
since 1998.
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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September 12, 2012Monologue: A Teenager Tries to Make the Best of Hosting Her Middle-Ages Themed Party at the Same Time as Her Older Brother’s Lacrosse Team’s Kegger
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September 4, 2012Monologue: I Am Selling Candy for My Basketball Team or My Conceptual Art Project
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August 27, 2012Monologue: Paul Ryan Details His Plan for Post-Bowling Drinks
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August 6, 2012Monologue: An Overeager New Dad Celebrates the Birth of His Son
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July 31, 2012Monologue: My Semester Abroad Gives Me Ownership of this Cultural Event
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July 23, 2012Monologue: The Man Who Tripped and Fell in His Living Room One Afternoon and Died
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July 16, 2012Monologue: I am Young, Vapid, and Want to Complain
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July 10, 2012Monologue: No Matter How You Slice it, We’ve Been Stuck in This Elevator for Three Days
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June 25, 2012Monologue: A Mayoral Candidate Explains His Behavior at Last Night’s Debate
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June 18, 2012Monologue: An Antelope from The Lion King Wonders Why He Was Invited to the Celebration of Simba’s Birth
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June 11, 2012Monologue: Salvador Dali, Wedding Photographer
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June 5, 2012Monologue: A Classmate Has Some Notes About the Psychedelic-Mushroom Scene in Your Short Story
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March 18, 2019A Statement from the University of Pennsylvania Regarding the College Admissions Bribery Scandal
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March 13, 2019In My Day, All It Took to Get into Yale Was Gumption, Hard Work, and Being a Direct Male-Line Descendent of William Howard Taft
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March 18, 2019March Sadness
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March 19, 2019List: Impossible reCAPTCHAs
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March 25, 2019Every Test Result On Your Medical Report Indicates Cancer So I Feel Confident In Summarizing Your Diagnosis as “No Cancer”
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March 25, 2019Screw You, Losers! Our Narcissistic, Corrupt, Racist, Anti-Science, Transphobic, Sexist, Classist, Nationalistic, Serial-Lying Adulterer President Didn’t Collude With Russia to Help Win an Already Gerrymandered Election!
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March 22, 2019To Make It As an Artist, I Recommend Having Unlimited Time and Money
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March 22, 2019List: What Guests Said At the Patriarchy’s Funeral