Daily humor
almost every day
since 1998.
almost every day
since 1998.
NEW BOOK ALERT
What the world needs is a 680-page, three-pound humor anthology. KEEP SCROLLING TILL YOU FEEL SOMETHING: TWENTY-ONE YEARS OF HUMOR FROM McSWEENEY’S INTERNET TENDENCY is now available for preorder.
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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April 22, 2014Monologue: I’m a 4-Billion-Year-Old Microbe On an Asteroid Heading Straight Toward Earth and I’m So Excited to Hang Out, You Guys
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April 18, 2014Monologue: The Holy Spirit Reacts to Jesus Sitting At the Right Hand of The Father
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April 15, 2014Monologue: An Accountant Helps a Manic Pixie Dream Girl With Her Taxes
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March 31, 2014Monologue: This Authentic Food is Delicious, But I Think My Mouth is On Fire
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March 26, 2014Monologue: Hey Everyone, I’m Going to Have a Loud Phone Conversation On This Crowded Bus
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March 13, 2014Monologue: I Should Get the First Lifeboat Because I Am In Advertising
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February 26, 2014Monologue: Henry David Thoreau Can’t Take Much More of These Goddamn Steam Whistles
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February 18, 2014Monologue: The General Manager of the Philadelphia 76ers Apologizes to the Team’s Fans
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January 31, 2014Monologue: A Puppy Bowl Coach’s Pre-Game Locker Room Speech
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January 24, 2014Monologue: Noted Sociologist Elemér Hankiss Serves You Ice Cream at Baskin Robbins
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January 6, 2014Monologue: I’m Just a Fucking Cat
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December 23, 2013Monologue: Blanche DuBois Gives You a Tour of Her Company’s Christmas Party
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July 15, 2019A Preschooler’s Guide to Managing Your Personal Assistant
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October 10, 2006Back From Yet Another Globetrotting Adventure, Indiana Jones Checks His Mail And Discovers That His Bid For Tenure Has Been Denied
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May 20, 2019I Don’t Think a Woman Is Electable In 2020 Because Last Time Around the Female Nominee Only Got Three Million More Votes Than Her Opponent
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November 5, 2018Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing (So Far): Atrocities 1-546