The Believer Magazine
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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October 26, 2016Hello, I’m a Social Justice Warrior, and I’m Here to Take Your Guns
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October 24, 2016I’m a Person-Shaped Colony of the Measles Virus, and I Want Your Vote!
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October 21, 2016Why Won’t You Kids Go to Sleep and Let Me Read Badfinger’s Wikipedia Page in Peace?
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October 20, 2016The New Smoothie Place Around the Corner is Delicious and Definitely Not a Cult!
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October 19, 2016I Work at the Desk Next to You, and Did You Know I Just Saved Fifteen Seconds Using Keyboard Shortcuts?
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October 17, 2016I’m One of Those Nice Guys
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October 14, 2016I’m the Person Everyone is Trying to Convince Not to Vote for Donald Trump on Social Media
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October 4, 2016Wedding Vows to My Work Wife
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September 30, 2016An Impassioned Plea From a Gary Johnson Swing State Precinct Captain
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September 29, 2016I Wish I Had More Than Eight Minutes With a Patient to Show Him I Don’t Care If He Lives or Dies
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September 21, 2016I’m Mad as Hell, and I’m Only Going to Put Up With It for Another Ten or Fifteen Years
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September 13, 2016I’m EpiPen and I Haven’t Changed One Bit
Trending 🔥
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April 21, 2025Getting Ahead of It: JD Vance Almost Definitely Didn’t Kill the Pope
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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April 9, 2025US News & World Report’s Best Remaining Colleges, 2028
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April 18, 2025The Elementary School Disciplinary Record of Jesus Christ
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May 1, 2025We Oppose Income Caps on the Ultra-Wealthy, but We’re Totally in Favor of Limiting the Number of Dolls per Household